My Thoughts

Church Proceedings

2007-10-29T13:08:00.000-05:00

I have posted this for several reasons. One being that a 7 year old conversation regarding such deep topics is always bound for something profound, two the kid asks some really good questions, and the father corrects his son's use of the english language during the conversation. I hope all 7 year olds are thinking this clearly.

Here is the web address--http://date-dabitur.com/?page_id=290

Enjoy

The Man Hug

2007-08-09T12:52:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine showed me this video that describes the complexity of giving and receiving an appropriate man-to-man hug. It is well done and hits all the most important points, and throughout all this it remains quite funny. Which is extremely important when dealing with such questionable behavior. We don't want to be homophobic but if we embrace (no pun intended) a too liberal usage of this particular display of affection then we run the risk of really looking like a homo indeed. Neither of which are that appealing. This video gives a great guide to how to ride that fence. Enjoy

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUdWApwbudQ

Big Dead Place

2007-07-20T23:28:00.000-05:00

I don't get the opportunity to write much anymore, you know with the school stuff and all. But the guy at Big Dead Place wrote a really funny deal about Penguins. He has written some other stuff that I can't fully endorse but he has a unique grasp of the ongoings of Antarctica from a typical workers perspective. And this deal on penguins is a nice cynical look at those cute little creatures, and if I had the time an imagination it sounds much I like what I would love to have originated. Go to www.bigdeadplace.com and enjoy his deal on "March of the Penguins and Happy Feet".

Oriental

2007-07-20T23:17:00.000-05:00

I have learned that the term “oriental”, in reference to the people group, is offensive to those whom I’m directing to. Apparently those people, and others, I have the understanding that the term ‘oriental’ refers to the food and not the people group and that the people group prefer to be called “Asian”. So I’m wondering, if a cannibal is wanting to order some food do they ask for “oriental” or “Asian” food. I’ve used both and gotten chicken both times . . . what will they get?

Sensible

2007-06-12T22:06:00.000-05:00

SENSIBLE

Living alone one can think they are the most humble, respectable and considerate Christian that is currently living. Couple that with a person who is theologically factual and you have some great ingredients for a very pietistic and pugnacious person. This attitude is particularly true if that person works a goodly portion of their time around people who are more uncouth than themselves. This is one reason why the church is so important. Like a good smelter who brings all the dross to the top to be scrapped away and discarded, so the faithful members of the church are there to call a brother/sister to repentance or wisdom and thus discard any behavior that is weakening to the life of the individual and ultimately damaging to the gospel. I’ve been reading Titus lately and I’ve noticed that Paul spends all of chapter two talking about being sensible. Displaying good, sound, wise judgment is encouraged and expected from old men and women to young men and women. No one is left out. This is something that we obviously grow in throughout our lives, but the bible makes it clear that God uses means to accomplish this end, and it is clear that one of those means is the local church just read Titus and you will see admonishment being expected by those in the local church. The church is an integral factor in developing this sensible behavior that God sees as necessary to adequately display the Christian life. The behavior doesn’t have to be necessarily sinful, but just unwise. This is important to remember because the theologically factual guy will state that the behavior isn’t ‘technically’ wrong, and he will most likely be correct, yet the behavior or attitude may not be wise and still be ‘technically’ lawful. And sin and or immaturity are insidious. It creeps along and infects all other areas of life and doesn’t remain compartmentalized within one area of life.

I was thinking about bathroom humor and realized that it really isn’t that funny. Watch the movie Shrek and you will see what I mean. Then I think of Leslie Nelson and he is funny when he appeals to bathroom humor (with the whoopee cushions and what-not). Well it’s funny to me. And I think this way only because here is a man who is old enough to know better. He ought to be wiser than this yet he shows himself as immature and the paradox is laughable . . . to a point. Now fast forward 30 years from now and the entire culture has lost this older-folks-don’t-laugh-at-bathroom-humor mentality and we might have more people taking the stairs and less standing in line for the elevator. You know with the free expression on flatulence in the public sector.

The concept that “he is older to know better”; at what point did he put down the G.I. Joes and Hotwheels and begin to act older? There is a transition here that really to me is unperceivable. I know there was a time when I stopped playing with these toys but I couldn’t give you a date, but I could tell you that if I saw a 20 year old playing with them (and not entertaining his sibling) then I would encourage him to grow up. And although he could technically play with them it isn’t very wise. And isn’t that the direction that we desire to go? We not only want to be technically right but attain the discernment to use our freedom in a way that communicates wisdom and respect. Is not the complete lack of maturity one criticism of the current evangelical movement? Isn’t the rules against dancing a criticism of “conservative” churches? And isn’t the rampant flag waving of “Christian liberty” a criticism of current Reformed churches? Maybe that last one is a tempest in a teapot kind of debate.

I thank God for the local church that I am a part of because as my faults and imperfections manifest themselves there are several concerned brothers and sisters who are interested not only in my sanctification but are also concerned that the gospel be displayed in accordance with the word of God.

Airport Security

2007-06-12T21:03:00.000-05:00

Traveling by an airplane can always be an adventure and this latest trip was no exception. The best kind of air travel is if you do it with only a carry-on bag. Otherwise you run the risk of loosing all your “good” stuff in some distant land when you need it most. Remember that the airport people check not only the size of your carry-on but also the weight. I once traveled for 6 weeks, couple days here then fly there for a few days and so on, with my only possession being a backpack filled with my essentials. Well, I was 5 lbs. overweight and they had to check it on under the plane. The last thing said to me in regards to this bag was “You’ll see it again in Geneva.”. He was right but 2 days late. Therefore, armed with this experience in mind and with all the hullabaloo about whether or not a person can bring baby formula on board the plane I thought it would be prudent to do some investigating and see what I would and would not be allowed to bring on board the aircraft.

Here are some selected items that you are not permitted to bring on board an airplane in a carry-on bag as found on an official government approved website called www.tsa.gov:
Hand grenades
Dynamite
Billy Clubs
Axes and Hatchets
Cattle Prods

It’s not that I object to these items not being allowed I’m just imagining the line of people waiting to get on board the plane holding these items in hand one after another, and the look of innocent disappointment at the realization of not being allowed to bring them along their travels.

Ch'lirul

2007-04-07T13:14:00.000-05:00

In the mists of the ancient world - where great beasts lumbered across cracked, dusty plains where every scenery is set in the tone of sepia - where the seas foamed with unmanageable waves and where those same seas writhed with every form of tentacled horror - Nature produced a creature so unquestionably bizarre, so lacking in self-preservation, that only tales of it exist today.

It was serpentine, but not a serpent. It possessed no physiological symmetry. It had no mode of locomotion. It had no visible modes of sensory perception, yet were it not for its ability to scream in terror whenever threatened, it could almost be regarded as some form of vegetation (although it was neither green nor leafy).

The natives called it a ch'lirul.

Its flesh was warm and tender, its blood sweet and syrupy. And every creature that encountered it found it to be the perfect form of sustenance. Except for the parakeet who preferred the sweet nectar of small children’s eyes.

It would exist today if not for a curious difficulty in its reproduction, depending on fairies for transport of its genome. As industrialization, and the necessary rationalization, encroached on the ch'lirul's territory, fairies vanished. And with them vanished this remarkably tasty beast.

This has led to a curious phrase - "If you love ch'lirul, clap your hands" - intended to reclaim the native lands for the fairies in the hopes that they might return and start the new race of ch’lirul once again.

Centuries later, all that remain of the ch'lirul is a pale shadow, a culinary attempt to capture the sweetness and warmth of days gone by.

Weep for the ch'lirul. Weep for its passing. Clap your hands and pray for its return.

This was written with the help of some man I have never met, and it truely a reminder of what great stuff could be written with the bizarre thoughts of two committed individuals.

Lego of my Lego

2007-01-28T20:31:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure why, but I have received word from Estaban that the toy company called Lego wants to and has created an "Estaban" charactor. They have taken some artistic license with the wardrobe but all in all Estaban is quite happy with the look. I have been assured that the Paco line is soon to follow, provided the sales of the "Estaban" line is a big seller. Here is what he looks like.

A Parable

2007-01-28T20:15:00.000-06:00

I thought I would share a parable and in doing so I thought I would spice it up with a photo of the author so I did a web search for Douglas Wilson, since this is the man who said these words. While searching I found this guy

This is Wilson Douglas and not the man who I remember seeing in Monroe just last year. I don't remember seeing that button. Therefore, I kept searching and landed upon this man next

This man is actually Douglas Wilson, but the man who I am quoting has more facial hair, and to my knowledge does not play the trumpet. Finally, after much searching I found this lovely, the man who actally made the quote later to be . . . quoted.

Douglas Wilson creates little parables before the call for his congregation on each Sunday. I have been blessed with the opportunity to listen to most of these sermons. His parables are generally fantastic and this one is no exception, and to be honest made me laugh out loud when I heard it. I thought that the laughter creating dialouge could not go on living in a bag in my truck so I have typed it out and put it on my page. I’m sure portions of it will make onto his blog at sometime, but until then I will do this much. To the best of my ability it is word for word what he said at the pulpit, yet without the back laughter from the congregation. Enjoy, like I did.

Wilson’s parable on “Courtship”

Once there was a young woman who came home from church one day and she had a question for her father.

“Dad,” she said, “you know how Cindy’s father gave John permission for him to court her?”

“Yes,” he said, “I heard about that one, which in my mind, was the first sign of trouble. Why would I know about that?”

“Well I was standing with Cindy after church and three of the older church ladies came up and effusively congratulated her. Cindy was really embarrassed, I could tell, but I couldn’t tell what was wrong with it. They were all really sweet.”

“So you’re asking what the problem was if there was one?”

“Right.”

“Well I suppose John has been getting himself congratulated too?”

“Oh yes, even more.”

“Suppose John came up to me and said that he had mailed off his application to Harvard Law School, would I respond with ‘congratulations’?”

“Well, no because he didn’t get in yet, and just between us he wouldn’t get in either.”

“And if he filed the papers in city hall to enter the race for mayor?”

“Well the same, he just filed he didn’t win anything.”

“So it is with this. Courtship, rightly understood, is an application and congratulations are not in order. The people involved are deciding what they are going to do but nobody has done anything yet.”

“Thanks Dad that makes sense.”

“But then there is another thing. Then there are those courting couples, who are for all intense and purposes are engaged, they are emotionally entangled and committed and when standing around after church she is all over him like ivy on the garden wall. You can congratulate people like that all you want. Somebody is getting something and so that somebody should be congratulated. Couples like that can’t have it both ways, the social protection of not having decided and the emotional comfort of having decided.”

The Joy of Sweating

2007-01-22T19:13:00.000-06:00

The title may be a bit of a surprise but there is a strange comfort and joy in being able to sweat. Now, lets not get carried away here. This statement in no way means that I desire to do all the yard work for those in my church come summer time, however it does mean that sweating is good. I could bore you with all the scientific details of vasodilatation and heat exchange but that isn’t the purpose of this post. When I was in Antarctica I became acutely aware that I was unable to sweat. This was partly due to the extremely cold environment, which prevented me from rarely attaining the temperature at which point I began to excrete moisture, and that same environment was extremely dry which if I was able to sweat it nearly always evaporated before I was fully cognizant of this exchange of energy. Oh, I also did everything I could not to sweat as this only influenced the dreaded hypothermia exponentially.

At some point in my first season at McMurdo Station I realized that I couldn’t sweat. I worked out with minimal success. Worked hard while on the ice with moderate success, but not comfortable. I ran which did attain the desired sweat but also rapidly froze to the inside of my shirt and made the rest of the journey home not only uncomfortably chaffing but also dangerously hypothermic. I related my plight to one of my colleagues who had spent a few seasons on the ice and she informed me of a little cave located under some stairs. This cave would soon become my little haven from the frozen temperatures of this beautiful island.

The door to the cave was only 3-4 feet tall and the cave was normally called “Odie’s office” for a gentleman who was nicknamed Odie. This man was of a uniquely short stature and vaguely resembled the lovable cartoon character (if you had somehow managed to get a poppy seed derivative into your system). Once the door was opened there was the experience of stepping into an oven. The heat from this small little space hit you like the force of an overly aggressive two year old meeting an abandoned popsicle cart. It made you double over and drop to your knees like a bad frat party or some tainted Taco Bell. (The doubling over and knee dropping in this case is a good thing as the one performing the action is getting in an appropriate position for thanking God. The examples express more of a picture of someone preparing to meet Him).

This labyrinth that contained this powerful elixir was actually quite small. It was after all the space under some stairs, and really not that many stairs. To the left of the entryway were two stairs built so as to hold a seated person while they sweat profusely. I guess two people could in fact sit there but then you would be touching either the person directly or invading their personal space which when little clothing is worn is quite uncomfortable for any length of time. To the right of the entryway was the sun-mimicking heat source. Since McMurdo is a volcanic island there were some very appropriately placed lava rocks stacked upon the heat source.

The room itself was not tall enough for even me to stand up in but that did not matter, neither did it matter that the switch for the light was placed outside the “office”. The light switch was oddly placed in the middle of the wall of a rather large room used as an educational room. Those who hadn’t been there long generally did not know what that particular light switch operated and this is compounded when they never see the effect it produces. This made it interesting to be in the heat box when the new guy is trying to see what “this switch does”.

Interestingly enough, “Odie’s office” is located in a meeting room, which was infrequently used frequently. I never really knew when a meeting would be called in this room and not too many people wondered why there was a stack of clothes in the back of the room. I sat through several meetings that I was never invited to, nor known to be there. I once lost 20 lbs of water weight just from being in a meeting that “went long”.

To not be able to sweat is really a sad experience to have, but to not experience the odorific product of sweat was a pleasure. Now, some may say, “Hey, it’s wintertime and I don’t sweat I don’t understand what the big deal is.”. First, I would say, “Don’t end a sentence with a preposition.” Second, I would completely agree with that person, the time of the season is winter and they don’t understand. It’s like Phoenix Arizona in June as far as dryness is concerned and like Antarctica as far as temperature is concerned. It is vastly different than what most people have experienced and therefore can be hard to understand. The skin is rather dry and enclosed in this environment, but to get into Odie’s office, sit on wooden stairs that have had countless butts attached to it, and have every pore on your skin open up and expel its contents onto that wood makes you feel uniquely attached to hundreds of other butts who planted themselves in that little room to experience the true joy of sweating. In all truth I actually wore shorts and immediately washed off the unique connection to hundreds of other butts. There were just some things of McMurdo that I didn’t need to bring home.

That little place was just fantastic, it made myself, and many others, a new person—skin exercised and ready to meet the dry, bitter elements of an unforgiving climate. But, sadly, as when the bean counters and paper pushers realize that there is something that the underlings have that makes them happy they must either control it or take it away. And the later is what I have heard has happened to Odie’s office. They didn’t remove the stairs that created the little room but they did remove the portable sun. More than likely it has not left the island, but sits comfortably in building 125 or 137 (probably 137 it does have the nicer view) so the VIP’s can have their own little sauna when they stay there for a week.

confirmation of inspiration

2007-01-02T18:24:00.000-06:00

While posting my last thoughts I thought I could do a google search to find some photos of theatres to attach to it. While doing that I stumbled upon others who were inspired in much the same I was. Here are some of their photos. Here you have quadriplegics fishing, rock climbing, hiking, and playing rugby. Boy, who would have thought they even wanted to do these things? More dream-maker-come-truers . . . that's just great.

“STRINGS ATTACHED”

2007-01-02T18:16:00.000-06:00

“STRINGS ATTACHED” the Quadriplegic theatre

I have been inspired. Brought by random thoughts to a distant land where my hopes and dreams have been rekindled, renewed and possibly realized. When I think, I sometimes think of others, and when I think of others I think of making dreams come true. I think of being a dream-maker-come-truer. Some of these dreams that come to my mind I realize that there may be a need for a “come trueance”, and I think these thoughts are the type that most others don’t think of. For instance, I think people without arms really want to play the classic playground game of Red Rover. I think that if I could properly design some fake arms to attach to the amputees that I could then attach them at the hands and then those people, who otherwise would be unable to play this wonderful game of strength and endurance would be able to be included. They would no longer only be relegated to playing hacky-sack.

The dream I am currently thinking of involves the theatre. Acting and possibly some over-acting. I remember watching the television show Facts of Life and there was one character on there that had cerebral palsy, and then there was another show called something else that had a kid on there that was mentally handicapped (you know that show with Corky). These producers were going out there with the same vision as me; they wanted to be dream-maker-come-truers too. Yet, there is another untapped resource of actors dying to act . . . I’m sure of it. What about the plegics?! Bi and quadriplegics.

Here are people who, much like the late Superman, want to act, and not just act on those new computer generated “claymation” creations. I think they want their bodies to be on film as well. That way they can show their facial expressions also. Really, you want that on film anyway. That is just some choice acting that is being lost . . . daily.

I can’t tell you exactly how my brain works, but I’m remembering a conversation with someone who mentioned cabbage and then as they were talking about something else, such as space travel or the hanging of Saddam I’m not sure, I began to imagine that there were a colony of marionette puppets running along side the truck we were traveling in. Then that thought immediately went to the stage and I thought . . . hey, we can just attach some strings to their limbs. And, presto the dream was created. These people who desire to act but have lost the ability to use their legs or both arms and legs can now be used on the stage and possibly on the big screen.

These marionette puppeteers can’t be making too much money and they can’t possibly be that busy to make it a full-time job, besides how many children’s birthdays can you do and make a living of it? Therefore, I will be fulfilling two dreams. Now that is a rare occurrence. When you not only are a dream-maker-come-truer but you are able to kill two birds with one stone. (Not that I have ever killed a bird with a stone, nor known anyone who has. A stick now that is possible, but I’ve never seen a stone). Here we have a double need. Marionette puppeteers desire to be puppeteers and they have a limited ability to do this and not eat most of their meals with the homeless in soup kitchens, and there is also the ever present need for these handicapped soon-to-be actors.

I’m thinking that we could get some heavy duty fishing line and with a few simple knots tied by some boyscouts who aren’t doing anything with all that knot knowledge and bam dreams are coming true. What used to lay limp and lifeless would now display all the life of real people with limbs that are able to move with less assistance. It is really like a resurrection of sorts and I’m sure people more adept at symbology could find more symbolism than I in this simple use of resources.

After all, marionette puppets are fun to watch, but they lack expression. This new and improved theatre would merge the excitement and allure of the puppets with real human expression and life. Not to mention the fact of the acting talent that has as of yet been untapped. I mean when we saw the television show “Bosom Buddies” did we really think that Tom Hanks would be as highly regarded on the big screen as he apparently is? Who knew that guys in wheel chairs wanted to play, and apparently were playing, rugby? They made a movie of it to show their desire to the movie-watching world. I don’t remember the name of the movie but if you are reading this then I’m sure you can do some sort of google search for it. Even if you think this is a dumb idea and you think that, “Shirley these people don’t want to act”, ask yourself, if you were in the 1960’s would you have thought that African-American’s really wanted to ride in the front of the bus? I think that answer is easy and if the former is easy than the later should be as well.

If you agree with this then run with it. I am just a planter and not a harvester, or even a waterer for that matter. Although, I could be a really poor waterer if one would let me near the faucet. Therefore, make it happen and I will pat you on the back and say with a large grin and a unique twinkle in my eye, “Man you did it and I didn’t even have to get you wet.”

Unhealthy women

2007-01-02T18:13:00.000-06:00

I posted this critique of modern culture about a year ago and was quickly informed that it was slightly embarrassing or inappropriate. I have consulted others and to my delight it has received approval so I now post it to share this unique thought about life on a University campus.

Women are unhealthy. I do not say this with a great deal of bravado but with trepidation as this is just a theory that I’m currently working on, and it is in every way still a work in progress. With that said I still think women are unhealthy, and more likely they are just vitamin/mineral deficient. Now before anyone skip to the comments section and begin to open the dikes of hate let me explain.

These thoughts began when I became more aware of my surroundings and in so doing I noticed that more and more people had wedgies that they were more than willing to correct in front of the public. I thought it was funny because I began to recall my days in Elementary school and Junior High. Oh, those were some funny wedgie filled days. But then I noticed that these wedgies were not generated by some thirteen year old but were spontaneous and seemingly self-inflicted. It was as if the body itself did the wedgie. Now this was not some situation where the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing because there were no hands involved. It seemed to be purely the result of non-appendages doing the Jr. High work. Also, these wedgie afflicted people were predominately women. So this got me to thinking and with thinking it got me to theorizing so I’ve combined two separate but maybe related observations. One being the wedgies and the other being the incredible shrinking clothing phenomenon.

I go to a university for a particular education but just walking around you get an offshoot education that you don’t really have much control over and I’m thinking of asking for some extra elective credits from the university, but that’s unrelated to this post. While going to school and working in the Emergency Medical System I’ve noticed that women are becoming increasingly less clothed, and in conjunction with the above paragraph, wedgies are on the rise (no pun intended. . . well maybe a little one). I think the women are sincerely trying to cover everything but either they don’t know how to dry their clothes properly, buy clothes that are too small, or there is a more underlying problem.

I have heard of people eating dirt (an eating disorder called Pica [not the same as the type set]) because they have a mineral deficiency that they are unwittingly trying to solve. I’ve also seen dogs eat sheet rock because of the calcium that it contains, and cows and horses are given a salt or mineral block that they will lick whenever their bodies tell them that they need some more sodium or when there is a mineral that they are growing short of. So with this thought I think women have a mineral deficiency that they are unknowingly trying to solve by slowly absorbing their clothing. I don’t know what mineral or vitamin they are low in nor do I know how the body knows that these particular clothes hold the beneficial ingredient but apparently it is something or why else would they be losing so much clothing.

I know this woman who will constantly complain of being cold, and she has a shirt and sweater on. However, both of these articles of clothing have grown short around the bottoms. So much so that skin will show when she moves about. With this amount of skin showing cold drafts will slip in and cause her to be cold. Yet somehow the obvious solution of covering the skin is lost on this person. She isn’t a dumb person. Actually quite the opposite, but I believe that her clothes are shrinking at a slow rate and she is unaware of this event happening. Kinda like the frog who is slowly cooked.

This phenomena is just alarming because it is as if she is a human dryer and she isn’t alone. Most of the women around campus have the same problem. However, the same problem does not afflict the men. They are completely covered. Their problem is in the reverse direction. The men are covered to such an extent that it appears that they are wearing someone else's clothes. Particularly someone who is significantly larger than they are and who apparently likes rap music. To be fair I have only noticed this on a very narrow range of people. This mineral deficiency phenomena seems to only affect young women and I think it may be more drastic on the coasts of our nation.

I am unwilling to chalk it up to just fashion because as we are painfully aware the ‘60’s style clothing has made a come back and the ‘70’s are on their way. Those decades had some horrible fashion trends but the women were for the most part covered. They may have been tightly covered but none the less they didn’t have the constantly shrinking clothing that our modern women seem to have. Maybe the clothing is made of a different fabric . . . maybe. But I think the modern diet is much more different than the diet of the 60’s and 70’s.

Think about it, the microwaveable meal came out in the 50’s to 60’s. And since this time more and more artificial food has been produced and consumed. I think there maybe a saturation effect going on here. We eat fake foods that lack some essential vitamins and minerals and the fields that real foods are produced on are leached of all kinds of essential minerals and vitamins. Those foods that give us all types of vitamins (like milk) we kill and then “fortify” them with vitamins they already had but leave out all those minerals that help us absorb all those vitamins.

So the next time you see a woman that seems like she is wearing her kid sisters clothes you mustn't think that she is just being immodest but rather that she may actually have a medical condition that is as of yet undiagnosed. Go to her. Nay, run to her and shout, “What is wrong with you?! Don’t you see that your body is devouring your own clothing. That is why you are cold. That is why you are constantly pulling down your shirt that doesn’t cover your belly. That is why you are uncomfortable. That is why everyone is starring at you. They are all wondering when you will go to the doctor and get yourself checked out!!!”

Maybe the problem can be solved with just some cotton balls. Maybe if we just give the women who have this problem some cotton to put in their mouths that all this will go away. But then people may wonder why we have so many people who look like they have had their wisdom teeth removed.

Or maybe the answer is in growing your own food. I’ve noticed that the women who live in households that grow their own foods do not have this symptom that I’ve been describing.

Thomas Kinkade

2006-12-30T12:24:00.000-06:00

There could be a lot said about 'ol Tommy boy but I won't go into all of it here. Really I just wanted to say that I think his paintings display an amazing misuse of energy. Every one of those windows are lit up. Now if they are using electricity then they must have buried lines because you never see them. And if they are using candles then they are using an enormous amount of them to generate this much light. Also, several of the cute little homes in these paintings have more than one chimney (like the one above), which based on their location, I would say that those homes are really energy inefficient. Another explanation for all the light in the windows could be that all the homes are on fire. That would explain the “extra” smoke that I’ve seen in some of the paintings.

Paco and Estaban

2006-12-30T11:56:00.000-06:00

Paco and Estaban came and visited a few months back and I snapped this picture of them. For those of you who are unfamiliar with these two stalwart gentlemen Paco is on the right and Estaban is on the left. They don't come very often and it was a real treat to see them again. I initially thought they had an overgrowth of chest hair but then it was explained to me that it was in fact the hair from the under belly of a wooly mammoth. They recently killed one in an effort to save a small village in Guatemala. Tragically they were only able to save half of the village due to timing delays caused by over land travel (their donkey had another flat). The rest of the mammoth was given to the poor to ease their suffering. They were extremely grateful for Paco and Estaban’s sacrifice and diligent call to duty and they ate like kings for quite some time. Eventually P & E left and those villagers gave the mammoth bones to a museum in the States and now they are filthy rich.

Always at the ready for a quick photo, Estaban snapped this beauty while defending the village.

It’s all in the timing

2006-12-30T11:35:00.000-06:00

It’s all in the timing.

Douglas Wilson has said, “The only difference between a nice salad and garbage is the timing.” I tend to agree with him. I bring this up to introduce the topic of marriage. Some enter into the search for their spouse with the “soul mate” mentality. This is, bluntly stated, a bunch of sentimental crap. Not only is there not a verse in the bible to support such tripe, but I am also unaware of any biblical concept that would support it. Now, I am willing to be wrong in the matter and if someone knows of some biblical support then please enlighten me. The bible is more free than those who are looking for “the one” would purport. There are some basic biblical principles to choose a spouse and once the person passes this then it is basically that individual’s choice. And praise God, because I can at least attain His goals. What I have noticed over the years is that modern evangelical women are looking for a man who walks on water, can make gallons of “grape juice” when needed, and can “meet all their needs” and thankfully this person has already come and to their disappointment this person will not be marrying them individually.

If someone was to die on the idea of there really being “the one”. Then I could agree with them only by acknowledging that “the one” is the one whom they are married to. People don’t walk around with this title on their back and unless we are Mormon there isn’t any “burning in the bosom” when we think we have encountered such a person. It seems as though modern Christians are more comfortable having a list of rules and check boxes for finding either a career or a spouse, and the wonderful thing is that God has given up a great deal more liberty in these areas.

I have come to the realization that the spouse whom I am looking for is not perfect (besides I’m not perfect and if we are to be together for so long we ought to at least match). Thanks be to God, because I would be single a lot longer than I already am, but I am looking for one who is on the path to perfection. I think that is the key. The perfect one has already come and therefore no one will be marrying that person. We ought to be about finding the one who is on the same path of righteousness and is near the place we are. This latter part is just for simplicities sake. There really aren’t any hard and fast rules that I know of.

For men, they ought to be reading a chapter a day out of Proverbs, since that is specifically written for men. They should be about marrying a women of wisdom . . . and not foolishness. They both are saying similar things and they are both attractive so the simpleton ought to be on his toes.

For women, they ought to follow their fathers. Those men have been given for their care and protection, and these fathers have once been that guy who wants a spouse so they are in a unique position to offer the best advice and council to their daughters.

“Prepare your work outside, and make it ready for yourself in the field: afterwards, then, build your house.” Proverbs 24.27
This gets at the essence of timing . . . for me. I don’t apply this as a hard and fast rule for all people, but I do for me. (Although, unless convinced otherwise I plan on passing this concept on to my children if God ever blesses me with them). I think there is critical advice here. Specifically for men, I think one ought to have their education taken care of and a means of providing for a family before they start that family. And a family starts with a wife. This does not entail the highest level of education but really the most basic means of provision. See the concept is that God, out of his mercy, gives us ultimate freedom. There is a lot of catch up necessary to fully communicate the ideas here but I don’t want to write that much so for now you must be content with unqualified statements. Now some faithful Christian’s may quarrel with me on this verse and they may actually convince me otherwise, but I don’t think it likely.

It has been stated to me that I am a bit strange in my concept of finding a spouse. And this is stated mostly because I refuse to employ the classic dating model to my spousal finding. In my estimation a person is nowhere more fake than on a date. Where else are you going to have all your i’s crossed and t’s dotted? Or is that the other way around? See I’m not cut out for dating. Besides once you convince that person that you never fart, never have food stuck in your teeth, or think the way they do they are in for a rude awakening once they find out that the jig is up. Why not save everybody the trouble and go through the father and get this all out in the open to begin with. Besides it is more difficult to pull the wool over the eyes of the father because they have been you before. (Not that you want to pull any wool, but that is the essence of the dating model. You aren’t quite yourself. Best foot forward at all times). And I think this concept holds true for women as well. Go through the father it makes things much easier and less heart wrenching. I have seen many women go at it alone and they are extremely miserable and constantly wondering where a good man is to be found.

This isn’t a complete explanation of my thoughts on this subject but as a lasting comment I do think it the responsibility of the father to have in mind the potential bridegroom. They have a great deal of power at their fingertips and they ought to walk in wisdom. They not only have the duty before God to protect their daughter but also, out of wisdom, the duty to deal with this other man with respect.

Oh, it's a disease

2006-12-30T11:33:00.000-06:00

A rather long quote from G.K. Chesterton and some commentary from me.

“But the point is that a story is exciting because it has in it so strong an element of will, of what theology calls free will. You cannot finish a sum how you like. But you can finish a story how you like. When somebody discovered the Differential Calculus there was only one Differential calculus he could discover. But when Shakespeare killed Romeo he might have married him to Juliet’s old nurse if he had felt inclined. And Christendom has excelled in the narrative romance exactly because it has insisted on the theological free will. It is a large matter and too much to one side of the road to be discussed adequately here; but this is the real objection to that torrent of modern talk about treating crime as disease, about making a prison merely a hygienic environment like a hospital, of healing sin by slow scientific methods. The fallacy of the while thing is that evil is a matter of active choice whereas disease is not. If you say that you are going to cure a profligate as you cure an asthmatic, my cheap and obvious answer is, “Produce the people who want to be asthmatics as many people want to be profligates.” A man may lie still and be cured of a malady. But he must not lie still if he wants to be cured of sin; on the contrary, he must get up and jump about violently. The whole point indeed is perfectly expressed in the very word which we use for a man in hospital; “”patient” is in the passive mood; “sinner” is in the active. If a man is to be saved from influenza, he may be a patient. But if he is to be saved from forging, he must be not a patient but an impatient. He must be personally impatient with forgery. All moral reform must start in the active not the passive will.”
-G.K. Chesterton

I won’t get into the aspects where Chesterton props up “free will” as a viable option in dealing with people’s salvation but the concept that I think he is trying to bring out is the aspect of people’s ability to have control over their actions. I put in this whole quote to give some background to what I thought was the most important part. And that important part is treating “crime as disease”. I attended and graduated from Kansas State University with a degree in Psychology and from this I have learned all the enemies’ plays. One of those plays is what Chesterton is hitting here, and that is calling sin a disease. Modern, and for that matter all modes of psychology, employ methods that try to lessen sin. Sin is actually a taboo word, and more so in those who claim to use “Christian” psychology.

If you are talking to or in some way dealing with a “Christian” psychologist you ought to ask them; “What makes this Christian psychology?”. The answer is surprising in that there really isn’t one. All they can come to is that they are Christian and in some way this comes through. And to a certain extent that is true. Since we live our theology if they are truly Christian then their brand of counseling would employ some biblical aspects, but since they are building upon a foundation of humanism (psychology) then at the root of what they are giving is poison. They would be better off being honest and say that they are just like everyone else than to claim that they are trying to be Christian.

I worked at a place for three years that claimed to use “Christian” psychology and sadly they didn’t see what I was talking about. For instance, if a news reporter were talking about teenage mothers who are crack-heads it would be really startling if when turning over the story they said, “Well Jim, what these kids really need is repentance. Back to you Jim.” That is of course the furthest thing from reality. The blame either gets shifted from the children to the parents from the parents to society and from society to education. In the end education becomes the savior and Christ is left out. Psychology, in an amazing step to leave Christ completely out of the whole mix, says that this sin of immorality is really just an “addiction” and the person can’t help it anyway. Therefore since it is an addiction, and that is just a slow step towards disease, then the person needs “counseling” and medication to supplement the “chemical imbalance”.

This is all just another rehash of the Garden of Eden where Eve blames the serpent for causing her to sin, then her husband also Adam, in a dramatic display of manliness, blames his wife of causing him to sin and then ultimately God. Blame shifting has been our way since Genesis chapter 3 and it is no different now, except now we blame our parents, genes, environment, social economic status, minority status, “addictions”, or _______. Yet despite all this God still holds us responsible for our sin and we will have to give an account for every idle word we have spoken. And at the same time this is true, God, in his infinite mercy has sent his son and out of His love for us he has died for us so that we will be made free. So, in the end God is more compassionate than we are and at the same time more just than we are.

There's a lot of white out there

2006-12-28T12:13:00.000-06:00

This is an amazing photo of Ross Island. It is the Island I lived on while in Antarctica. The island is the white thing in the lower right hand corner of the photo. I mean left hand corner. That was funny for me. The more dense white part is the permanent iceshelf and the less dense is the temporary ice shelf. The more dense white stuff in the center of the photo are enormous icebergs. They were at one time called B-15 but since it broke apart it has other names like B-15a, B-15b and B-15c. It can be complicated but I think if you think about it hard enough it will make sense. McMurdo Station, the place I lived, is located on the small arm that is pointing straight down from the island. It is at the very tip. If you look close enough you can see me waving. And if you can see me I'll tell you how I took the photo.

Opa

2006-12-28T11:57:00.000-06:00

Here is a good picture of my Opa (my mother's father). He would band birds to track various data such as migration patterns and what-not. He did have a particular method of catching the birds which was quite amazing. You see he was raised by mockingbirds for a time and he learned how to imitate other birds calls. Now as an adult and living as a human he would call the birds into his area. He would be in the forest in his secret lare and from this postition he would woo the bird into perfect spot to make his grab. Then when the barometric pressure was correct he would just reach out and grab the bird, ofcourse, this was done very quickly. It would be so quick infact that the bird would only know that he was at one moment sitting contently on a branch and the next in the strong clutches of a slightly angry looking German man. He would then carry the bird around a while and then band them. He did this a great deal and finally one of them became the band "The Byrds".

The Right Privilege for Roads

2006-12-28T11:55:00.000-06:00

I read this just before posting it and on the whole I would say that I agree with what I wrote. I apparently was pretty upset about all this stuff.

The Right Privilege for Roads

I am against highways and other ‘post roads’. The words ‘post roads’ are the words put into the Constitution that are the slippery slope that the Federal government uses to give justification for building all these roads you see today. Actually, they used these words when people actually cared whether or not their government was following the rules placed upon it. So, I’m against the government owning anything and I’m against anything having to do with ‘eminent domain’ laws. They are just a way for the government seize whatever they want without concern for the rights of those who happen to own that land or property.

The government shouldn’t own anything for multiple reasons but one would be that the government is not objective. When we say that the government is seizing property who are we talking about, the governor? Mayor? President? No one really knows, but we do know that Mr. Johnson no longer owns a part of his field because a new highway is being built on it.

I’m against the State and Federal imposed Driver License too. That’s right, it’s a Driver License (so those stickers on those gas pumps don’t scare me because they threaten to take away my Driver’s License which I don’t even have). You need one of these to drive on a road that you helped pay for. I pay taxes to build these roads and I pay for a Driver License to drive on these roads. And if I’m caught driving on one of these roads without my Driver License I may receive a ticket for not having one. This does not make sense. We don’t do this with other things we buy.

Take for instance a kitchen appliance. You buy a crock pot from the store, get it home and before you can use your new appliance you have to mail in a ticket stub with an accompanying fee to get a computer code that allows you the ‘right’ to now use the appliance that you purchased. Now you have your crock pot and every seven years you have to update your computer code, with an additional fee, so that you can maintain your right to use your crock pot. We have become the pig that just follows the slop bucket around the field. At first the farmer put the bucket at the top of the hill and we walked the distance to get to the slop. But now the farmer has us going over the hill, across the ravine, up the ladder, and through the flaming hoop to get at the same slop bucket.

Private industry is the only way to make this justified. Because I believe that the government does not have the right to own land and therefore no right to build roads I think that if Mr. Johnson sees an opportunity to make some money he ought to build a road on his land and charge people for the use of his road. Makes sense. However, we no longer live in that time.

We are also told repeatedly that driving a car on the road is a privilege and not a right. Do you consider the use of your crock pot a right or privilege? You bought the thing (either a kitchen appliance or a road) so isn’t it your right to use that which you bought? I’m against the idea of the government building roads but since we are in this point in history where this type of thing happens and no one cares then I wish that they would not make multiple fees for the use of that which I already have the right to use. Does the government have the ‘right’ to my money? No!, but it appears that once my money is stolen through unjust taxes I have lost the right to use that which my stolen money has bought. Now to use that which my money has bought I have to buy something else to give me the ‘privilege’ to use what is already mine. So the playground bully steals my money buys a comic book and now I need to give the bully more money to have the ‘privilege’ to read (but not take as my own) this comic book.

Now if I don’t show the tyrants my birth certificate I can have my ‘privileges’ revoked. I have a foreign birth certificate and the only things most people in Missouri can read is my name and birthdate so hopefully this won’t cause a new set of hoops to jump through.

MODERN SLAVES

2006-12-28T11:46:00.000-06:00

I have received some posts that suggest that I should post a new blog. I have taken a slight hiatus from blogging simply due to time. However, I have found some half-thoughts on my computer that I will begin posting. Here is one of those now.

MODERN SLAVES

I have a theory that the Second War for Independence in 1860, otherwise known as the War Between the States, was fought for different reasons than what the government school I went to told me. They went through a lot of pomp and show to explain how much Lincoln loved the black man and how the South hated him. So, the montra went something like this; “The war was fought to free the slaves”. However, I think the war was fought for far different reasons and contrary to the war being fought to free the slaves I think it was to make all men of the states slaves.

I come to this conclusion by looking at the life of the typical slave. They had five things taken care of for them; healthcare from cradle to grave, food, clothing, shelter, and consistent employment (job security). Fast forward to the present and isn’t it funny that we modern slaves are clamoring for the same things. We want Massa’ Gov’ment to provide for us healthcare, food, housing and job security. I guess that is only 4 out of 5. Sorry, my fault, I guess we aren’t modern-day slaves afterall.

Communing with Nature

2006-08-16T22:08:00.000-05:00

While in Colorado Justin and I have had an amazing time. Partly because of our wilderness activities and partly because we are just two amazing guys and no matter where we go we brighten the experience of everyone there even it is only the two of us. All that said we hiked St. Mary’s Glacier the other day and ran into a little wildlife, which soon became large wildlife.
We started our hike on some private property of a friend of Justin’s; which made the hiking pretty remote and thus increased the chances to encounter some creatures. It was an old ski resort that had been abandoned since 1988.

Here’s how it started. Justin saw an amazingly cute and cuddly brown bear, one that makes you want to take pictures of it and play with it.

And as we were doing just that the mother spotted us messing with her little baby. I heard a lot of splashing, huffing, and slight growling which made me turn in the direction and very quickly take this photo.

I can run really fast and I had a head start on Justin since I tripped him in the beginning of the getaway. Since I had such a head start I thought I would document our departure with a few photos. It’s a good thing because I got Justin getting really good air over this log.

Justin thought this tree was a good escape but upon further inspection we opted to keep running, and eventually hide in some bushes.

Then she saw us and Justin jumped up and started swatting at it and the bear swatted at him; but thankfully I remembered my youth.

You see I was raised by brown bears for a portion of my early years and thus I became the “bear whisperer” (similar to the time I tamed wildlife in Boston). I was able to explain all that had transpired and we were able to clear up the misunderstanding. And in the end she waved us good bye and told us the quickest route to the top.

Something by G. Grant

2006-08-16T20:13:00.000-05:00

I thought this was really good, and it’s a quick read. I don't know how to make it a clickable link but here is the address and if you know how to copy and paste you'll do just fine. http://www.kingsmeadow.com/2006/08/where-is-thy-blush.html

Nugget Point

2006-08-05T21:59:00.000-05:00

When I left Antarctica the last time I traveled with a couple friends of mine and we come to Nugget point which is located on the South Island of New Zealand. Like all the rest of New Zealand it was beautiful and we saw a couple sea lions there as well. We hoped to see some yellow penguins but they were not do in for a few hours and we couldn't staty to see them anyway.

2006-07-30T19:55:00.000-05:00

Remember the good 'ol days when you could enter a house the way you walk around town? My brother is on the left, cousin Ronnie in the middle, and I'm guarding the right flank (left if your looking though my eyes).

Orange Boy

2006-05-20T20:52:00.000-05:00

Milk in Antarctica is not milk. It is a powder and when added to water it has a distinct chemically taste. The first season I was down there I didn't have any milk at all and that's a bit of a big deal when you drink raw milk as quickly and frequently as I do. The next season was much the same. That is until I had a real need for a milk fix. My bones may have been screaming for some sort of building material. I started to gnaw on the walls at one point, but to stave off such bizarre behavior I reached for the FrostyBoy handle. For those of you who are unfamiliar with FrostyBoy it is a soft serve ice cream delight. However, when your in Antarctica the ice cream still tastes like the chem-milk because they use the same powder. Yet I had a plan to evade the chemical taste.

I thought long and hard over this one and I remember walking through the mall and noticing those funky little outfits worn by teenagers who apparently valued money more than good fashion sense. They wore the multicolored tall hats and worked for an orange with arms, legs and eyes (Orange Julius). This gave me an idea to fix my fix. I drank a great deal of orange juice, probably more than the recommended daily allowance and close to the LD50. I figured my love for the one would cancel out my hate for the other and give me something that would give me my fix and would even out to the ever sought after "not bad" taste by experimenters.

I filled my glass up with FrostyBoy ice cream and filled the remaining space with good old fashioned OJ concentrate. I knew some guys on the inside (kitchen crew guys) who taught me how to rig the machine to give me the concentrate and not the watered down stuff. Believe me I had a problem with the OJ, I went to rehab and am better now although the color orange sends me into the shakes (no pun intended).

Not having a blender I had to make due with what I had in hand, which at the time was a fork. And I began to stir slowly and methodically. The way I was stirring was partly because I had put too much in my glass and because I was beginning to suffer from T3 syndrome, but being that there were only three ingredients (I count love as an ingredient) I wasn't going to quickly forget this one. I tasted it and loved it. It was as close as I could remember to the Orange Julius' I had when I was a kid and at the mall. It was great and thus was born "The Orange Boy".

The name was a bit tricky because I didn't know what to call it, but I loved them and I had nearly 3 a day. I told all my firefighter buddies about them and after some time I got them to try one and they too loved them. I began on a crusade and told everyone about them. Some of the guys from the other shift began to call them "Tasty Tracy's" which just sounded too odd. I stuck with Orange Boy because it was the first name I heard in connection with them and I was being spontaneous at the time.

Time passed and I heard that an art show was going to happen and I jokingly told a friend of mine that we should have a stand and make these Orange Boys' for people. We had an elaborate plan and went on and on about the intricate details. We were bored and this is how we filled our time when we were eating. The day arrived and I realized one that my friend was just full of a lot of talk, but he did dare me to do it. No double dog dare was needed because I thought the whole thing to be quite ridiculous and fun so I was determined to make it happen.

Within an hour I had contacted all my kitchen contacts and other people I found to be valuable with getting supplies and presto I had my own table next to the FrostyBoy and plenty of juice to satisfy the hungry taste buds of McMurdo. Suspecting that my presence would not be appreciated I geared up with all the necessary sanitary stuff. I had the paper hat ice for the juice and spit guard. I also did all the mixing and had clean glasses on hand. It was quite the operation and since it was McMurdo I was an odd duck but not as odd as others.

It was slow going at first. People were unfamiliar with the Orange Boy despite all my hype. However, once my firefighter buddies saw me they laughed and more than that they stood in line for me to make them one. And once they had one they walked around with the sweet drink and told others how wonderful they were and that they were free. I soon had quite a line of people desiring my wonderful creation. I'm not very good with pottery however I did try my had at it and made one of the most ugly vases ever created and it made an appearance on the table with a simple sign that said 'Tips'. Very innocent but very full after an hour into the show.

Things were great the line was long, people were happy and I was having a blast. Then the witch showed up. I went to get more OJ from the machine and it was out. Actually, the machine was off. I looked around for some kitchen help when from behind me I heard an eerie voice say, "I turned it off." I'm convinced that she popped right out of the ground. She was short, beady eyed, bitter, and for some reason despised me. To be honest I'm not even sure she knew me so she could have been more despised at happiness as that is what I was giving people. In the politest way I could and in the simplest tone possible I said, "Great, then you can turn them back on." The witch said, "NSF states that the juice and ice cream machines are only to be on during meal hours." (NSF stands for the Nation Science Foundation and they love all kinds of rules). "Well your making a lot of people very upset (pointing to the crowd) look at all those people you have to tell that you shut off the Orange Boy. I normally wouldn't talk to someone like this but she was a witch. She also made some snide comments about people tipping me. She was one of the managers of the kitchen staff and she took what is one of the worst jobs (kitchen staff) in McMurdo and made it the worst job there. I stood up to her partly because I could and also I was able to say some things that those under her wanted to but were unable to do so simply because she would hold it over them for the remainder of their time there.

The wonder works were closed, but we had a great time and although only lasting an hour I made the town happy. Many were upset by the closing and only inflamed an already present hatred for the witch. Some may argue that "hey the witch was only doing her job" to which I reply "no she wasn't". The bureaucracy down there is very complicated and makes modern day Antarctica the circus that it is. It is all quite unnecessary and frustrating.

The photos were taken by a friend of mine and judging by them being slightly out of focus I think she was going into Orange Boy shock. A common occurrence to those who have been without its sweet nectar for too long. That's my friend Eric Paradis experiencing a little paradise himself.

Chuck Norris

2006-03-31T22:22:00.000-06:00

I spent my early childhood in the 80’s and as such I had a great love and respect for Chuck Norris. I didn’t know much about the man but I did know he was the best “karate guy” out there. And around the playground, at school, and in the backyard comments were always made about how you could beat someone up as bad as Chuck Norris could. We (all my friends and I) made Chuck Norris larger than life, so when I was originally told about these random facts about the legend I had to find them for myself and post them. An instructor at the school I attend has some of these posted on his office door. The laughs travel down the halls.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.

Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.

Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

Honest Abe XOXO

2006-03-22T17:32:00.000-06:00

This is one of the funniest jokes I have ever done, partly because I do not participate in jokes very often. They tend to be problematic. Problematic in the sense that people’s delicate feelings get hurt and something gets broken, and thus something needs to be repented of and replaced. I, therefore, flee from jokes like Joseph from Potifer’s wife. However, I couldn’t refrain from this one. It just called to me like a Siren. It was irresistible.

I was at a local, semi-local, garage sale and found a pile of postcards with a magnetic head of Abraham Lincoln on them. I thought it a funny postcard. But I found it even more funny when a friend of mine told me I should buy it and give it to a mutual friend who doesn’t really care for Abe Lincoln. My brain quickly began to run with the idea so I bought the postcard with multiple ideas in mind. Once I had it home I thought long and hard about how to mail it to “James” and thought, ‘It would be really nice if Abe himself could somehow bridge this friendship gap between these two polar opposite people.” Now, bear in mind my friend “James” is no racist but he really disapproves of Lincoln in several political ways. The topic is difficult to express and too complicated for a simple blog, but believe me “James” is a great guy. Honest Abe XOXO stated that he hoped to bridge this friendship gap so that they could be “great pals”. My hope is that this dialogue has functioned in this capacity.

So, I had the burden of bridging a gap of friendship through the postal system and it required a lot of time, effort, and friends. I don't do jokes but this was the most complex system of jokes that I have ever devised. It required the assistance of friends from Ireland, Germany, Canada, Texas, Ohio, Colorado, Washington (twice), Oklahoma, California (twice), and Antarctica.

The system was quite simple but extremely time consuming. It consisted of me e-mailing my friends to see who would be willing to participate, getting feedback and then applying the mission. Those interested would buy a postcard (your typical touristy type) and mail them to me in an envelope. I would open the envelope with much anticipation and excitement. I would then commence to writing in the voice of Abe Lincoln onto the said postcard. I would then mail that postcard to the sender with the address of “James” and eagerly wait for the arrival of the card. I talked with one of his family members whom I thought could be trusted. They would in turn inform me of how the postcard was received and whether or not “James” had in fact received the postcard. There were a couple problems I ran into such as, mail taking much longer than I expected, lost postcards, and initially I waited till “James” receive one before I sent another. I wanted him to receive a postcard once a week but it never quite worked out that way.

Here is a sample of one of the postcards:
I’ve been enjoying the Colorado hills lately. Your opinion of me has caused great anger to arise in some of my friends. They are concerned that you have forgotten some of my greatest attributes like being a peacemaker, I look great in black (it’s a slimming color you know), top hats make me seem tall, and the no mustache thing gives me a religious air. Well, I must be leaving now. Grant, Sherman and I are going to be riding mountain bikes down ski slopes. It looks to be great fun and I have a chin strap for my hat so it won’t fall off. I’m having a terrific time traveling except Sherman nearly burnt down our campsite while discussing the benefits of total warfare.

Many gleeful waves,

Honest Abe
XOXO

The “many gleeful waves” is just really funny to me. I signed them all “Honest Abe XOXO” because I felt it gave the whole thing a slightly uncomfortable feel that I thought expressed the whole joke entirely. Not to mention the thought of Abe Lincoln being effeminate is just a riot.

About a month or two into the joke I thought it would be funny if “Honest Abe XOXO” was traveling with a couple friends so I had Generals Sherman and Grant travel along with him and made a few jabs at political history with them. The total warfare thing being one of them. I heard that “James” thought they were really funny. The best part was that for nearly half of the joke he didn’t know it was me. He did, however, think it was my roommate Justin which made it all the funnier to talk with “James” about the new postcard he received. To see the first one sent hanging on his refrigerator was truly gratifying. I can only assume it is the same feeling that one has when their artwork is stuck in some museum somewhere famous. The thought that a man that I greatly respect would put a joke of mine on his refrigerator was honoring. Although, he didn’t know it was me. He thought of a few other people before he thought it was me. Like all good things, he eventually figured out it was me, but I kept on sending more cards with his family member helping out. This joke took nearly a year to finish and it was a great delight to hear about him receiving a postcard so I could begin sending out the next one.

The other great part was to have so many friends willing to participate in the joke. Many more offered to help but I think the thought of participating in something you don’t see or hear of is difficult ot truly appreciate. The two men from Ireland and Germany I met while scuba diving in Australia and they were the most excited people. The explained that they didn’t understand what the postcards were saying but they really liked the idea.

The whole point was to make it seem like “Honest Abe XOXO” was traveling around the world. So the handwriting would be the same (because I wrote it) but the postmark would be from wherever my friends lived. My roommates and I took a road trip to New York City this last summer and while in Philadelphia we found a great cardboard cutout of Abraham Lincoln. We all posed next to the legend and the last postcard I sent was a picture of Justin hugging ‘Ol Abe. I mailed it to a friend of mine who was soon to leave the ice in Antarctica and he mailed it the last day available to send out mail. I was a bit worried that he wouldn’t receive it and that he would miss the time to mail it out. Mail can be a problem down there. It all worked out fine and the joke is essentially done. Although, I haven’t completely given up on the idea of sending more to “James”. And I haven’t completely given it away that I’m the guy sending the postcards, although he is 99.9% sure it is me. I also can’t see him bothering to read my blog so I’m not too concerned that he will read this either.

Here’s another one, and it was sent from San Francisco around early November:
I’m learning some new lingo over here in Rice-a-Roni town. You know that stuff is a real treat. Last month I went door to door asking for a trick or treat and I can’t tell you how many people put spoonfuls of this delicious treat in my bag. Boy, with all the fires in this state it has really given Sherman the itch to torch more towns. The men of this town have been really nice to the three of us, more so than I would say in any other town. It is a nice change. They keep asking me if I’m ‘Okay’. I tell them, “I’m okay if your okay”. They seem to like that response.

Honest Abe
XOXO

The sad part of all this is that I learned that “James” could not read everything that I sent because my handwriting is too ‘unique’ and/or sloppy. Or just too small to read. I think you have to imagine certain letters at times. I hope to decipher them someday and have more laughs. Hopefully I’m not alone when I’m laughing, otherwise that would be awkward but then again that would be funny and would cause me to laugh a little heartier.

Sadly, I can’t take complete credit for the idea as I saw a movie in Antarctica that had a similar plot. It was a French film about a girl who stole her father’s garden gnome and sent it around the world with a friend who was a stewardess. The gnome sent pictures of itself to the father and encouraged him to travel since he was a newly widowed man. That part of the movie was great, the rest was not. Anyway, that’s it for now.

Where have you been?

2006-02-25T11:58:00.000-06:00

Sorry I’ve been away for so long, but I’ve been busy. Don’t worry even though I haven’t posted anything in awhile and I haven’t been writing anything in my computer for less time, I’m still thinking and forgetting things. I’m in school again and it is harder than trying to color within the lines and resisting the temptation to eat paste. And sadly, papier-mâché masks aren’t going to be one of the projects I get to do. I hope to write more as time progresses and in March when I have a week off. Going to school from 8-5 Monday through Friday and studying till midnight has put a damper on many of my other engagements such as resting and reading. Despite all this I have still made people laugh but now it is in the context of one building in Springfield and my audience is/are the same people I see everyday. I’ll let you decide if ‘is’ is the appropriate word in the last sentence or if ‘are’ is the right one. My brain hurts too much to care about that right now. Well I’m off to cram 10 lbs. of anatomy into a 5 lbs. brain (weights are not to scale the prior is greater than the latter).

Consistency Please!

2006-01-21T21:50:00.000-06:00

One of the classes I’m taking now is an embryology class and I have found it very fascinating. Fascinating not only by having an enhanced view of being fearfully and wonderfully made but also at how honest my text book is being. It defines a Zygote as a cell which “results from the union of an oocyte and a sperm. A zygote is the beginning of a new human being (i.e. an embryo). The expression fertilized ovum refers to a secondary oocyte (ovum) that is impregnated by a sperm; when fertilization is complete, the oocyte becomes a zygote.” [Italics in original.] This is prior to implantation and just after conception. The zygote has 3 to 4 days to implant into the uterus but the book says that this two cell combo is a “developing human”. From the moment that fertilization occurs this organism is described as a developing human. My question is what is a 2 year old? He too is a developing human. What is a 14 year old? A developing human.

Therefore, if it is legal to kill a non-implanted developing human in the body of a woman why can’t we be consistent with our laws and kill a two or 14 year old developing human? I’ve met plenty of parents who wanted to kill their developing humans. This consistent, helpful, and obedient act towards the law of the land would definitely cut down on the teen pregnancy problem, the over crowded government schools, lack of “quality” at these government schools because of the student to teacher ratio being too out of balance, and it would cut down on the breaking of the fifth commandment. (But then again that is the Old Testament and it doesn’t apply now that we are New Testament Christians.) Think about it. No gangs to harass the big towns, shorter lines at your local markets, no screaming kids at the grocery store, and the dissolution of malls. The children would be more productive around the house, more respectful to adults, and kind to all. It sounds like a veritable paradise. These developing humans would no longer be afraid of the rod but a fear of something far more permanent. And that permanence would encourage, nay foster the development of better people and thus a better society.

And with all the dead bodies in the beginning of this consistent living we could employ Jonathan Swift’s Immodest Proposal. Think of all the trendy handbags that all the important celebrities will be sporting at the next awards show. Actually, I need to remain consistent myself so I cannot call them “dead bodies” but merely just “products of conception”. After all, that is what the zygote is called if it is aborted. Think about it. You could walk around sporting your new “Troubled Teen Bomber” jacket without the fear of some rabid P.E.T.A. anarchist running up to you and spray painting your new stylish gear. Instead of killing those poor defenseless goats and calves and turning them into soft and supple gloves we can make soft and supple guilt free gloves out of the “products of conception”. The next time you see your neighborhood brat take a tumble off his bike take note of where the scarring might be and look at your local fashion store and see if you can purchase the scar that you recognize and beam with pride to know that with each purchase you are contributing to a better society. And tell your neighbor thanks for all the care that they put into keeping their products of conception free from added scarring. Knotted wood looks nice but too many knots looks grotesque and I imagine it would be the same with bag, shoes, and what not.

Imagine guilt free lederhosen. I can foresee the Germans dancing in the streets of Berlin now. Oh, to live in a land of consistency sounds just fantastic and amazingly rewarding. The added benefit with all these new exotic purchases is that we would drive all those animal haters out of business. And maybe, just maybe we can set free all those poor defenseless bovines into the wild, like they did for all those horses in Wyoming. I think that would be more humane and natural don’t you?

Abe Lincoln

2006-01-21T20:43:00.000-06:00

I have just learned that there is another reason for me to have a hatred for Abraham Lincoln and that is because he and his wife were permissive parents. They would allow their children to disturb cabinet meetings, run barnyard animals throughout the white house and generally destroy what the public bought. They viewed that their children were in charge of the family. This is definitely not a biblical view of what a family ought to be. I also learned that he loved Shakespeare’s Macbeth, which makes since because it is about a couple without love for one another and the marriage is ruled by the wife, much like his own marriage with Mary Todd. Oh, and there is blood on their hands, much like the War Between the States. My heart does go out to the man because he did have to deal with a contentious wife which from the history of it had to be more than difficult, yet in another way he did make his own bed.

C&P

2006-01-21T10:57:00.000-06:00

“But now a new history commences: a story of the gradual renewing of a man, of his slow progressive regeneration, and change from one world to another—an introduction to the hitherto unknown realities of life.”

This is a quote from the conclusion of a great book by Dostoevsky and I think it is a fairly accurate one on the journey of being a Christian. Although, in one sense a man is immediately regenerated by the work of Christ on the cross and this man’s subsequent repentance and faith in Him and the man is also on the road of continual regeneration from his life of sin to a life of righteousness. The repentant sinner is going from one world, one of sin and death, to another world where there is life and love. Although, one is converted he is in no way one who knows how to live a Godly life. This is the “gradual renewing of a man” and at times it seems very “slow and progressive”. The book is ‘Crime and Punishment’ and there are several biblical themes throughout it. Dostoevsky demonstrates very clearly that sin separates the sinner from the rest of society and that individualism carried to the extreme is self-destructive. The book is chiefly filled with the difficulty of bridging the separation between the guilt of sin and the humanity of man. And at the same time that this is happening the sinner is trying to deal with his desire to confess his sin and be truly free and run from his sin in the hopes of getting away with his crime. In the end humility is the answer and it is learned through repentance and love.

This sinner’s faith is just the beginning of his Christian life and therefore it is an “unknown” reality. To live in the grace of God and the knowledge of His love for sinners is not only to truly live but also to live in true reality. To live otherwise is to live in lies and the vain imaginations of man’s sinful nature.

Condiment Guy

2006-01-16T13:53:00.000-06:00

I realize that I’m not funny, originally. Meaning I don’t come up with some great original jokes, but I’m good at tagging along. Actually, I think that is when I’m most funny. I was once introduced this way, “Dad, here’s Tracy the funniest man I know. Go ahead Tracy say something funny.” Now, that is a tough spot to be in and as expected I did something funny. But notice I didn’t say anything funny I just added to the body language that was already there.

So all that to say I think I can make a good sandwich better but I don’t make good sandwiches on my own. I’m like the condiment guy. I can make a plain old hamburger really tasty and satisfying. I think the best time is when I’m with someone who has a similar sense of humor and we just keep tagging along with where the last guy took the joke. My roommate J.B. and I do this all the time and we have abs of steel and not enough towels to mop up all the tears. It is just a good time and I think Proverbs says it is good for the bones.

The Death of Liberty

2006-01-16T13:48:00.000-06:00

Dander has two meanings. The first being to have your temper raised or to be angry and the second is dealing with the dry scaly skin flakes. So, when I say that my dander was up the other day I’m using the first definition. I don’t know which definition came first or how we have made the transition from one to the other, but nevertheless I was pretty heated.

I was driving through Republic a couple days ago obeying the law and my own business. Things were great and grand. I didn’t have a care in the world, the sun was shinning, kids were playing, birds were singing and cats were eating mice. All was right and good with the world. And I, being the good citizen that I am, was on an errand for a friend of mine. The job was to only take me 4 total miles out of my way but as I was finding out it was going to be twice that, but I didn’t really care because I was getting things crossed off my list of projects for the day and should get back home to meet up with one of my roommates to do some more work later that day. Since I was ahead of schedule I figured it a minor thing to travel 8 miles out of my way to do a favor (or to use slang a ‘solid’) for some friends of mine.

However, little did I know that the beautiful day that I was experiencing was going to soon come to a dismal end as the black cloud of governmental interference in the liberty of American man was looming large just around the corner (not a literal corner as I think I would have seen him coming otherwise). I pulled into the parking lot of a video store and started going through the bag of videos to make sure that all the videos actually went to this video store. Knowing that the family that I was doing the errand for to be a topnotch family and highly organized I thought that my checking to make sure that all the videos were correct to be a slight slap in the face which I didn’t plan on mentioning. Also, when I came to the first video and the tag said Greene County Library I thought that I had made a mistake and that either all the videos were to go there or that there was some sort of exchange with the Family Video store and the library.

While I was ruminating about this I heard a tapping at my window and as I turned to see who it was I was surprised to find myself starring into the big sunglasses of a black and white. A 5-O, the PO-PO, a copper and immediately I thought of the Dragnet tag song line Dum-de-Dum Dum. Actually to be honest I didn’t think of the Dragnet thing till just now. In reality I think my mind was a complete blank with the exception of “What does he want?”. I was surprised but I wasn’t thinking exclamation marks or all caps. I rolled down my window halfway because I wanted to hear what he had to say but not really let him all the way in. I have a natural distrust of cops, not that I think they are all crooks (though some are) or that I think that they abuse their authority (although many do) but in my experience with them as working with them as colleagues and watching COPS I know that they aren’t always right in what they do. Not to mention the fact that there are many unjust laws out there that require some discernment in whether or not you, as a cop, enforce them or not. Let’s be honest Hitler didn’t arrest all those gypsies, sodomites, political advocates, and jews they were the German cops who did that. They were just following orders right? After all, they can’t be held responsible.

Cop: “Do you know where your front license plate is?”
Me: “No, not really. Is it not on the front of the truck?” Now to be honest I knew I didn’t have my plate on my front bumper. I didn’t really know where it was without question, but being from Kansas were you only need to post one plate on the rear of your car I thought the second one was a little over board and just an option.
Cop: “Can I see your license and proof of insurance?”
Me: “Sure.” and I dug into my pocket to give him my papers just like a nice and obedient cow. I did this while he went to the front of my truck I presume to verify that I did in fact not have my license plate posted on my bumper. He arrived back to my window and I gave him what he wanted. And he proceeded to check my vin number to see if it lined up with my insurance card.
Cope: “No, your plate isn’t there. The screws are there and it looks like the plate hasn’t been there for some time. I’ll be right back, this will only take a moment.”

So I sat there as he went back to his computer on wheels and I thought, “What in the world is going on and why am I not challenging anything here? Have I broken the law and if I have have I broken one that is stupid and that requires no enforcement? Why did he park at an angle to the rear of my truck? Why does he have his flashing lights on implying to everyone else that I’m a criminal? Why is he taking so long? Can I go and tell him that I will be just a moment and I can go and drop off these videos? I don’t have all day to have this public servant accost me and waste my precious time when there are meth makers out there and real criminals to catch.” While thinking about getting out and dropping off the videos I had a continual image of the cop noticing me getting out of my vehicle and thinking the worst.

In my imagination the cop hurriedly gets out of his car while calling for backup drawing his pistol and crouching behind his car door. I would then be asked to get back into my truck whereupon I would try to state my case and my time constraints. By this time his backup has arrived and with the drawn pistol the situation only looks heated and these backup guys are hot to fire their weapons and kill the bad guys. The story ends with me lying face down on the cold asphalt being handcuffed (and possibly gagged as I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to control my tongue and the endless liberties they are violating) and thrown into their plastic molded seats of the cop car. Although, they would be careful to keep my head from being bumped on the door frame as I was gently tossed.

I’m I really going to get a ticket for not having a front plate on my truck? The thought of this was too much for me so I stuck my head in the sand and went back to my original job of going through the videos to make sure they all went to where I was intending on putting them. I finished that when the cop came back.
Cop: “I’m going to let you off with a warning. You need to have a front plate on your vehicle and if you can not find your plate then you will have to file for a lost or stolen plate because if someone steals your plate and they get a traffic fine we mail the ticket to the owner of the plate.” He said this while passing back my papers and the thought of someone taking my plates and getting traffic violations was one that is all too familiar with me as this happened to me a couple years ago. But he didn’t know that and since he wasn’t the Thought Police he didn’t know what I was thinking either.
Me: “Okay”.

I put my papers away and the videos too and on my way home I began to process all that transpired. And as I did this my dander was up and getting upper. I am not one who angers easily, actually it takes a great deal of effort to get my dander up but on issues like this I’m a tender box next to the fire. Why must I have two plates on my vehicle? My only answer is that it is so that the cops can verify that you have paid the taxes to get your car on the road and that you, at one time, had insurance to get your car on the road. They have you put them on both ends of your car so that they can verify this whether you are coming or going. So, why not have 4 plates. This way they can see this same information from all angles. Or how ‘bout 5 so you can put one on your roof so the ‘Cop-copters’ can do the same job.
What law am I violating? I have paid my tax and I pay the useless insurance. I’ve actually been paying into that scam for 15 years and never have I used them, but they certainly are using me. Not to mention that these cops are public servants and I’m the public, therefore, they are to serve me not harass me. Now, people will say, “Tracy stop throwing your little hissy-fit over nothing. Besides, you did break the law right? You didn’t have your plate on the front bumper did you? Those cops are just trying to do their jobs.” To this I will answer them in one of three ways. Either a flick to the forehead, slap to the back of the head, or a full on punch to the throat depending on their attitude and demeanor when they say what they say.

I don’t know if I can explain it very well as the German in me is getting angry just recalling the whole event and this usually degenerates into a lot of arm and hand waving and yell talking. This escalates into more and more rapid arm and hand movements where you see a strange phenomenon where my arms look like they are moving in the opposite direction than which they are in fact moving much like watching the wheels on a car. And the intensity and volume of the speech is such to drive most people out of the room. Either this or I just pass out from the overload.

I was angry with my complete willingness to do whatever they wanted. If the cop had asked me to step out of the vehicle and stand on my head I think I would have done it with out flinching. Why is this? I think it is because it is far easier to give up my liberties than to fight for them and then I leave my kids (they are just a thought right now and don’t actually exist) with the task of fighting. (Sorry kids). Did I do anything wrong? No. Did I obey an unjust law? Yes, I paid my tax and bought everything ‘necessary’ to drive on these unjust roads (a future post). I bowed down to ‘Massa’ because he held a gun and a willing public in the palm of his had and thanked him for is kindness of letting me off with just a warning. Where does he get off of blindly obeying his superiors and thinking he is in the right? I am not harming the public and I am being bothered and real criminals are out there doing crimes.

There is this aspect of my nature to pick a fight and I intend on finding the law for plate display. If it is vague then I intend on displaying my plate upside down as a protest. I know this will get me stopped more (actually I’m an rarely if ever stopped by the cops) but I am fine with this as I’m asking for it. I do the same with postage stamps which I find a violation of our freedom of private mail delivery. Know one gets it though.

Who arrested and stole all the property from the American Japanese during World War II here in the Land of Liberty? The cops. Where they right to put all these law abiding American citizens in a ‘concentration camp’? Does it sound better if we call it an American Isolation Camp designed for their protection? Did they get their property back? Who do we hold responsible for this injustice? We like to make it the responsibility fall on an idea or an impersonal entity like America, but America didn’t arrest these people. People did. And let me emphasis this point. Law abiding American citizens arrested law abiding American citizens in the name of “hey, I’m just doing my job”. Does just doing your job, or just obeying because they say so make it right? Hitler didn’t kill thousands of people. He made it okay, lawful, even patriotic, to kill thousands but regular people obeyed and pulled the trigger, or clinked the handcuffs. Hitler didn’t do it. People have a responsibility to obey just and righteous laws and not blindly obey some superior because you are afraid of the repercussions. Maybe, I should hear and do what I say also.

Jimmy D revisited

2006-01-06T13:07:00.000-06:00

Jimmy D. Revisited

After some time I remembered the main portion of what the last post was to be about. Systematic life, kinda. You see I read Proverbs everyday. Now when I say that I don’t mean that I read the entire book of Proverbs everyday but I do read an entire chapter. And unless I have miscounted my days I read the chapter that corresponds to the present date. I have been doing this for the last six years and have found it continually poignant in my day to day life. So on this particular date I was reading chapter 29 and when I read verse 11 my thoughts took me back to when I worked with troubled teens. Proverbs is great and I used them often when I worked with the kids and those teens are still a constant source of examples for me. Primarily where it says something about being slothful or foolish.

“A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.”

The place I worked at was declared a Christian based troubled teen place, but I think it was only Christian in the sense that Christians worked there. The counsel that was given by the state certified counselors was completely unbiblical. In my judgment if you are not using the words of the Wonderful Counselor then you are using the words of a terrible counselor. Therefore, if you are not speaking the words of Christ then you are speaking the words of antiChrist.

Our culture is just saturated with pop-psychology and we fool ourselves with the notion that there is this hybrid, transitional form, animal called “Christian Psychology”. Like in biology we think that if we can find these transitional forms then we can prove that evolution is true so too in the Christian culture if we can find our prooftext we think we can christianize a pagan mode of counseling. We think psychology is good counsel that can be just tweaked if we can put Christ in there somewhere. Or we acknowledge that psychology has a antiChrist foundation but we think there is still some good stuff in it. But we fail to realize that this is just the chicken who is scratching in and around the manure patch to find that one kernel of corn. Sure he finds some corn but look what he has to find it in. If we found some poo in our salad we wouldn’t exclaim, “Wow this salad is really good, just don’t eat that poo there. Treat it as garnish.” I feel we shouldn’t treat psychology in the same manner. Flee from the poo filled food and cling to the counsel of Christ. And for all that is righteous don’t dabble in psychology and just say, “well all truth is God’s truth”, because that statement has more holes in it than a sieve.

John Calvin is and was a great man, but I disagree with him on his view of who the antiChrist was. He thought the antiChrist was the Pope. I think the antiChrist is James Dobson. And Larry Crab would have to be an antiChrist as well. The stuff that that these men put out into the Christian world as coming ‘straight from the horses mouth’ have their ends turned around. The junk that they claim as having any validity and gospel truth generally has more in common with what Anton LeVay puts out than what God has declared. (For those who don’t know Mr. LeVay wrote the Satanic Bible).

We don’t eat rat poison and for good reason. . . it isn’t good for you, but if you coat it in chocolate and color it to look like M&M’s you can fool many people into eating them. And they will often like it and point out how much they like that candy coated shell. This is Dobson and his ilk. They operate with a foundation of poison which is psychology, yet people like his tripe so much because he will lace his teachings with just enough prooftexts and spiritual sounding words to make people think his stuff is good for you. Our Christian culture is so hungry for truth that we have been living out the proverb “A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, but to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.” Pro. 27.7

At Doulos Ministries, the place where I worked with troubled teens, the counselors would teach these kids to “vent their feelings”, because if they “bottled” them up then they would explode at any time. Uncontrollably. The thought was to give these kids the opportunity to unload their feelings at a “controlled” time then those same kids wouldn’t display their lack of self-control at inappropriate times. There were two homes at Doulos which were separated into a girls house and a boys house and the houses were separated by about 50 yards of grass, concrete and a gazebo. (I loathe that gazebo [said with a clinched fist raised to head level and shaken a couple times]). And being that it is in the Ozarks there were more than enough cedars dotting the landscape. So, these girls, given an endorsement by their counselors and their ‘big’s’ unwillingness to challenge the “priests” decision, took hold of aluminum baseball bats and unloaded their feelings upon helpless cedars. Mind you these feelings were not feelings of love and compassion for their fellow man or feelings of warmth and affection for the beauty of God’s creation. These feelings were those coming from the deep recesses of man’s original nature, and they were set on fire from Hell. (Let me give you a little background information: a ‘big’ is a person who voluntarily [like myself] came to live with these kids and essentially became their parent for the course of a year. A big would generally have three kids living in their room and the house would have 4 rooms. My year lasted for three years. I was never that good at math.)

These uncontrolled “whack a cedar” instances were true hate crimes against anything civil or sane, muchless things that was Godly. Several of these troubled girls would destroy the bark off a few trees just after a bad call with their folks or after being told that they were disobedient at some point in the course of the day or when they found out that the girl across the hall, whom they despise, despises them. All things petty, trite and ridiculous generated the response of, “let’s kill some cedars”. And the funny thing was that none of these girls came from families that had a history in the logging industry.

Not only were these out-of-control girls putting the life of many cedars in danger they were also disfiguring a perfectly good bat. These girls did not play baseball or softball and so I guess it didn’t matter to them that the boys house did. But through a logistics error one of our big brothers lent a bat to the girls house without knowing that the bat would be abused in such a way. Bark was flying every where, bats were slowly becoming metal boomerangs, girls were learning the fine art of being a contentious and dripping faucet type of woman, and the boys were growing frustrated at not being able to destroy something without getting into trouble. The men in the boy’s house finally got the women to stop letting their girls ‘vent their feelings’ after the girls successfully bent one bat to an unusable fashion and when the director of Doulos realized that the esthetics of the property was being compromised. Apparently, ‘good’ counseling is good in so far as it still looks good. Who cares what is actually being taught just so it looks good, right?

If these girls could have gained anything useful from this experience you would think that they would have learned how to swing a bat better. But, no, again there was not Godly instruction. They were just let loose to vent their feelings and the cedars had to pay the ultimate price. Since, I have not been gifted with tact and since the Lord has been busy changing other areas of my life I quickly and often mocked the behavior of these ‘troubled’ girls when this type of action was being displayed in my presence. This verbal slap in the face had an effect. Sometimes it would give the girls more fuel to keep destroying trees, which I would have to ask the trees for forgiveness, but more times than not the girls would quit their uncontrolled foolish behavior. When making remarks to these girls I would not let the boy’s I was walking with make any mocking remarks, unless they were good at it. Some of those boys were pretty good with their tongues. Those who weren’t were allowed to laugh which usually caused the girls to realize their own foolishness quite nicely. These times never failed to provide opportunities for me to teach these young men the value of self-control.

I feel that the lessons you learn in handling your emotions, ie. displaying self-control will not only help you to not look foolish, or in displaying that you are in fact foolish, but it will help you in all aspects of life. Learning and practicing self-control in one area of life will give you the tools necessary to display self-control in other areas. Because I have learned the tools of being self-controlled in where I put my clothes, either on the floor wherever I want (no self-control) or in putting them where they belong either in the dresser or in a hamper (self-control) I am able to use this training of my flesh to resist other temptations that will come my way. If you can be trusted in the little things, such as keeping an orderly house, then you can be trusted with the big things like shepherding a family or loving a wife. Everything in life is preparation for something bigger, something more glorious than what you are currently doing. Luke 16.10 “He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.”

A kid learning geometry may ask, “why do I need to know this. I’m never going to use it. I’m going to be a Marine and knowing what an isosceles triangle is will not help me kill that guy over there” and he will be partly right. Knowing how to figure out the angles for a bisected angle may not be necessary in your life (although you never know what God will have you do 10 years from now) but the discipline that it will teach you will pay dividends in areas of your life that you can not fully comprehend now. The conscious effort of making your body obedient to the Lord in obeying the one teaching you math will also help you be obedient to the Lord when you are tempted to not discipline your child, or to cheat on your wife. I don’t buy the tired cliché that ‘boys will be boys’ and therefore we accept as natural that a boys room will be messy to the extent of not even being able to see the floor. I think this is a result if we allow the boys flesh to have dominion over his actions, but if we take the gifts of the Holy Spirit into all areas of life than it can’t help but have an effect on a boys room.

Someone may say, “but I don’t think this kid has the Holy Spirit so how can I apply this last statement?”. To this I would say, “Why then do you teach that kid anything?” My Dad had a fairly good rule that my brother and I lived under which was, “My house, my rules”. With this rule my Dad taught us to obey him in everything. We didn’t set the standard for what was clean, dirty, or correct behavior he did, and we obeyed him or we faced a pretty good spanking. Since we are Christians we are led by the standard of God and God is not a God of disorder but one of order. Therefore, how does living in chaos equate to living according to a Godly standard.

These girls who whacked on a number of trees were being taught how to be fools and as Proverbs says, “a wise man holds [their feelings] back”. Thus the wise person is he who bottles their feelings and not the one who displays them. Psychology generally teaches us to be fools and that is why there are so many of them out there. More specifically that is why we notice them more. The fools were always there but they just never had the “scientists” in the lab coats give them authorization to show their faces. God, in His wisdom and humor, allowed me to major in heresy. . . I mean psychology and it is just a reminder to me that not only is God a good God but that He has fun with His children.

telemarketers

2006-01-06T13:06:00.000-06:00

Telemarketers. I love them. They are a great way to practice your argumentative skills with people who do not know you. You also have the added benefit of dealing with people who live in other cultures, say those on the coasts. I feel this rounds you out as a debater when you can get a feel for how all people handle your responses to their statements. If they want you to support a charity I grill them on why I should do so and then beat the drum of the responsibilities of the local church. They never understand my points even when they say, “um-hum” approvingly, therefore I have to state them again. . . and again. . . and again. Until they want to hang up with me. I try to keep them on the phone as long as I can therefore I don’t give them the two ‘no’s’. Once they hear you say ‘no’ the second time they generally hang up so to keep them from doing this I don’t exactly say no. I hear their point and give them a counter point and we debate. I’m across the board too, a switch hitter if you will. Sometimes I will support their ideas and take them to farther extremes than they are willing to go. Such as trying to raise money for deaf poor kids I will lead them to the next logical conclusion of either robbing my neighbor and donating the money to them or of killing my neighbor and donating their good ears to the poor little kids. That last step is hard for them to agree to but I can generally get them to the edge. My response to them all depends on my mood. So next time they call I think you should ask them why they call at the times they do and ask them why they always want to talk to the woman of the house. I think they are hawks that try to prey upon the women of our homes. Since there are no women in my house I have to improvise and sometimes I create some. Well I have to go the phone is ringing.

ALL CAPS

2006-01-06T13:03:00.000-06:00

I heard a pastor talking about using the all caps in writing (when else would you use them?). And in reading the all caps you are to render that as yelling. Whatever happened to the exclamation point! I thought that punctuation taught us that that is a way to typing a yell! (Boy, that was a lot of that's in that last sentence). And I thought that the more exlamation points you used the more expressive you were trying to be in your writing!! I have read that if you use multiples of exclamation points you should only use odd numbers of them as that is the best, or most appropriate way of displaying them!!! I would hate to think I have to learn new rules of writing with the addition of the all caps stuff!!!!! I don’t think I use the exclamation point often enough as it is!!!!!!! DO YOU!!!!!!!!! I DIDN’T THINK SO!!!!!!!!!!! I THINK I’M STARTING TO LOSE MY VOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jimmy D

2006-01-06T13:01:00.000-06:00

Jimmy Dean is a type of sausage, but this post is not about sausage. Unless you hate sausage than this post can be loosely said to be about sausage. If you like sausage than go back to my original statement and know that this is not about sausage. Although, I don’t care for sausage because it doesn’t agree with me. It doesn’t not agree with me in that it doesn’t agree with my premisses in an argument but it doesn’t agree with me in a more physiological sense. Anyway.

I realize that I have said this type of thing before but I must say it again. I find that as I come up with ideas for a post that in the mists of that brainstorm I think of many things and some of a more personal nature that I will not post but some other things/ideas that I find really funny that I can’t remember once I get to my computer. It is all terribly sad. It is sad for all of us. You see you are deprived of the enjoyment of a good laugh and I am deprived of the enjoyment of hearing a good laugh. So let’s pause and lament the fact that I can’t remember all the funny things I was just thinking of while sitting and thinking just moments ago. Hmmmm. Thinking. Thinking. Lamenting. Lamenting. Remembering other things I could be doing right now. Lamenting again. Okay, back to the post. Stop lamenting now. I have now thoroughly forgot everything about this post and will have to start all over.

I have a system to just about every part of my life. There is an inherent order to all that I do. Although, I think this is good for the most part it can become a bit constraining. For instance, I’m sure most people have found themselves in this situation. I go to a restaurant and order something that I just think will taste great and if I return to that place I more than likely will order the same dish. However, once this is done I have now worn myself a rut and I find it very difficult to justify leaving that rut and spending money on another dish that has the potential to not be as equally satisfying. This is especially true of Mexican restaurants. I don’t understand any Asian menus so this doesn’t necessarily hold true for that type of establishment. I basically have to be adventurous if I go Asian because it is all like a bungee jump. However, for Mexican I have a general idea of what I’m getting into and therefore that knowledge breeds indecision. In a group I will generally desire to go last so I can hear what other people are ordering and then I will quickly read the description of what they are ordering from the menu. Sometimes I will look up at the person and back at the menu several times to try and figure out why that person would order something so unappetizing. I think I am waiting for that person to say “just kidding” to the waiter and look around the table for the smiles and laughter from everyone else. On some occasions I have gotten, and given, some mistaken signals. There have been times where the person orders a meal that I think is very unappealing and look at them with a smile to try and reread them. They in turn are looking at me for some sort of approval. So with my smile they feel justified in ordering what I would consider a dumb move. And with the smile they feel they have made a good choice. Nonverbal communication is so important because of what is not said as well as what is. Anyway, none of this has to do with Jimmy D. so I should probably continue this at another time.

It does something part 3

2006-01-06T12:57:00.000-06:00

Jesus makes the connection between baptism and being born again in John chapter three. No where in scripture does God implore one of his covenant members to be born again. Being born again is seen as being baptized, therefore, He does not ask for one who is baptized to be rebaptized. God, as spoken in the writings of the Apostles, sees that through baptism the person has already received grace and over and over again calls them to faithfulness. He does not doubt the grace that was conferred to them in the sacrament but calls them to live out the reality of the sacrament. For instance, some of the members of the Corinthian church had some major problems with sin yet as Paul is dealing with these sins and the errors of their living he states, “Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God” (1 Cor. 6. 9-11).

Notice that Paul warns of apostasy and then gives hope and says that they were these wicked things, and the thing that made all this past tense is that they were “washed”, “sanctified”, and they were “justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God”. Paul also doesn’t state that the one who he delivered to Satan for the destruction of the flesh (5. 5) wasn’t also “washed”, “sanctified” and “justified”. At the writing and reading of this letter that person was more than likely sitting in the pews with the other members of the Corinthian congregation. Paul doesn’t say, “Well, I know that this person made a profession of faith, was baptized and was brought into membership with this congregation but that was all symbolic and it didn’t really do anything anyway. So, in effect we are going to do a do-over and if the guy will repent then we can bring him back into fellowship and maybe rebaptism him?.”

Notice too that Paul doesn’t separate the water from the Spirit. (This is much like Jesus in John 3 where He says, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God”.) Paul is taking the command by Jesus seriously. He was told to “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. . . “. Throughout the book of Acts what is the normal occurrence to those who hear the gospel and believe it? They are subsequently baptized. Therefore, it would be consistent that when those in Corinth heard the gospel and believed that Paul baptized them. And so, the washing, sanctifying and justifying that Paul is referencing would be a remembrance of their baptism.

Most people don’t have a problem with what is said thus far when dealing with an adult convert, but the rub comes when we are dealing with one who doesn’t know what is going on. Some view that the person who is to be baptized needs to make a profession of faith and then be baptized (called believers baptism). They are then able to swallow those otherwise hard to chew pieces of scripture where it talks about being a new creature and some of the things mentioned here in my blog. However, scripture doesn’t limit the grace to just those who are able to make a profession.

Those who believe in believers baptism want to limit the grace conferred in baptism to those who know what is going on in the baptism. Which to me smacks of arrogance as if we really know what is going on in baptism when at the moment we barely know who the savior is. Did the early church really know what was going on with baptism when they were baptized. I think they didn’t when they were having such problems with understanding the Jew/Gentile distinction. Even the Apostle Peter didn’t live like he understood the oneness that is created between Jew and Gentile or else why would Paul have thrown such a fit about seating arrangements at the potluck dinner (Gal. 2). Therefore, based on this occurrence and the lack of discernment that Peter displayed should he have been barred from being baptized?

If we are going to limit baptism to only those who know what is going on where do we set the bar? Who knows enough? And does the one who regurgitates the correct answers really know what he/she is saying or are they just saying what they know will get them in? Baptism is the initiatory rite and therefore those who have not been baptized are barred from communion. Every week, or in some places every quarter they have to watch as the plates of bread and wine (and for some grape juice) is passed to them, around them, and passed away from them. They have to watch this happen from the time they can remember to 10, 12, 15 years of age. They also watch as their parents get to participate in communion and they realize by their non-participation that they are not in this. They may go to church, sing the songs, know some bible stories but they see that at this point they are not the same as the others.

The bar for baptism initiation is it too high for one who is mentally handicapped? What of a person who will never surpass the intellect of a 4 year old? Do we allow them to be baptized? They clearly do not understand what is going on and they never will. What about a mentally handicapped person who has no way of communicating anything therefore we really do not know their level of understanding do we allow them to be baptized. We could set the bar at the Westminster's Larger and Shorter Catechisms but does the one who knows this and is baptized ever fall from grace? Has there ever been a person who knew the catechisms and was baptized lived a life that was sinful, never repented of their waywardness and died. Clearly the answer would be yes. There are those who fall away.

My point in all this is to say that if we set up some arbitrary standards that have no consistent connection with the bible than what we have done is made the gospel no gospel at all, but have changed the grace of God for a lie. We have made the gospel, by our practice, Gnosticism. We claim there there is some special wisdom that will be given to you as you strive for it or memorize it. Once you are able to check enough boxes you have what it takes to get baptized. But we, as good Calvinist, keep putting up the mantras of justification by faith, but apparently to some that faith needs to be well communicated and correctly footnoted for the individual to pass those who are barring that baptistry and those who are barring the Table.

It would seem to me that the Baptistry and the Table are meant to keep the children of the promise in and not to keep them out.

L is larger than XL

2006-01-03T10:38:00.000-06:00

I was asked a question while at work today that I had difficultly in answering, particularly because I’m not that familiar with Roman numerals. The question was “what is the I.D. of ID?”. I tried to figure it out, but with no definite answers I had to consult my computer and do a little search on Google. From this I realized the answer to the question but I also learned more than I expected. D=500, L=50 and X=10, therefore ID would be 1-500 which equals 499. After viewing these Roman numerals I began thinking about my more familiar associations with these numerals. I frequently see an L or XL on the clothing I wear (I must admit that any XL's in my wardrobe were purchased by accident) and I realized that my XL is smaller than my L and not because of the way I washed them. I figured this out because L=50 and X=10 and if the X is first then it is in the position of subtraction. Therefore XL (10-50) equals 40 and 40 is clearly smaller than 50 which is what L is. See I’m not crazy L is larger than XL.

On the Wall at Sword Point

2005-12-23T12:41:00.000-06:00

I climbed up to the Great Wall of China and once reaching the top I was surprised by a man dressed as a mongrel. It was fun and slightly frightening. Fun because how often do you get to walk around on the Great Wall and how often do you see a Chinese man who can’t speak english dressed as a mongrel leap out from behind walls to frighten American tourists? It is just comedy waiting to happen, literally. It was also frightening because there was a great deal of rust on this blade and if cut I could have gotten some sort of flesh eating disease. And frightening because after my friend took the picture the sword bearing gentleman demanded money. Had I not paid I think I would have been testing not only his patience but potentially the medical establishment of China. Of course, that could have been a great story (“The adventures inside the E.R. of Beijing”). The picture was already taken and I’m sure there would have been more photos of that sword being used on an American tourist. Well, I would have the pictures unless he came after my friend who after climbing to the wall was not in any shape to out run an armed Chinese man. So, maybe it’s better to pay the extortionist.

The Chinese Me

2005-12-23T12:24:00.000-06:00

I spent a couple weeks in China several years ago and really had a good time and met some amazing people. I witnessed a miracle while I was there too. God, in His providence, made it such that I was asked to play basketball with a group of college aged Chinese and naturally I couldn’t resist. So I played, and the miracle was that I dominated. It wasn’t just that I played well (left handed mind you) but being a few inches taller than everyone else I was able to slam that ball back in their faces just like the professionals do. They loved it (well those on my team) they kept comparing me to Michael Jordan. I did explain to them that I have never played this well before but they thought I was just being humble, but really I was as shocked at my level of skill as they were. I have never been able to repeat that performance believe me just ask those I play with now.

There was one guy who couldn’t really speak or understand english that just shadowed me and repeated everything I said. I called him ‘Parrot’. But one of the guys I got to know better after all this I called Dakota. His American name was actually Pine but that just seemed like a strange name so I named him after two of our more northern states. Looking back on that I wish I would have named him something different. Now that I have made that mistake if I ever have children they will be spared the unthought about bad name. They may still get a strange name but at least they will know that I thought about it.

Dakota and I spent a good deal of time together and I got to share the gospel with him which he was very receptive to and very eager to know as much as possible. It was a great time and I came to realize that this guy is (at the time) exactly like me. And therefore is the Chinese Me. Maybe I should have named him that.

It does something part 2

2005-12-23T12:21:00.000-06:00

But what is meant when baptism is called a sign? G.I. Williamson claims that baptism is a sign in the sense that it “pictures” something. In popular Reformed sacramental theology, this model is used to evacuate the sacraments of their efficacy. Nothing actually happens when someone is baptized because, after all, it is “just a picture.” Presumably, God does his real work of grace apart from the sacrament of baptism. Thus, whenever the Scriptures read, “baptism does x”, we conveniently read it as, “Baptism pictures/symbolizes x” but this notion of “sign” = “picture” needs to be challenged, along with the denigration of baptismal efficacy that it entails. Baptism does not merely picture something, it accomplishes something. If God intended for baptism to be a picture, he seemed to make a poor choice of rituals. The outward rite simply does not picture what baptism is said to do. Consider some test cases, drawn from the NT’s declarations about baptism that we have already made reference to above:

In Gal. 3.27, Paul claims, “as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ.” Baptism is an investiture ceremony. This imagery for baptism is probably drawn from the OT priestly ordination ceremony, which involved a washing with water and a clothing rite (Lev. 8) Paul sees this Old Covenant ritual transformed into New Covenant baptism. But it is hard to see how putting water on someone’s head “pictures” clothing with the priestly garment of Christ.

In Titus 3.5, Paul calls baptism “the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit.” Baptism is the sacrament of the new birth. But it will not do to say that baptism “pictures” this new birth. I have had the joy of watching my wife give birth three times now, but never in the delivery room did I witness anything that looked remotely like a baptism. In no obvious way does baptism picture regeneration.

In Romans 6.1ff, Paul says we were united to Christ when we were baptized. Baptism is a kind of wedding ceremony, joining the one baptized to Christ in a covenantal relationship. But, again, the rite itself looks nothing like the covenant-making ceremony that it is said to be.

In 1 Cor. 12.13, Paul says, “by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, “namely, the body of Christ. But once again the rite itself fails to picture incorporation into Christ’s body. Indeed, it is hard to imagine how any ritual could picture such incorporation.

In 1 Peter 3, Peter declares that god saves us through baptism. Baptism is “not the removal of the filth of the flesh, but the answer of a good conscience towards God.” In other words baptism is precisely not what it looks like! It may look like the outward washing of the body, but Peter says in reality, it is the washing of the conscience before God (cf. Acts 2.38, 22.16). In fact, if God intended baptism to simply picture this cleansing of conscience, it seems drinking water, rather than having it poured on the body, might have been a better choice of rites, since it is internal cleansing that is effected.

-Rich Lusk

Math to the family

2005-12-23T12:11:00.000-06:00

I have an addition to the family of food makers. It is a Singer Sandwich Grill but that doesn’t have as nice of a ring to it as my Big George does so I may have to rename it. It also will not be stored in the same place as my Big George. I’m thinking it will sit with my Crock Pot which is in the kitchen. So I guess the family is different than I originally wrote. The husband would be Big George, the mother Crock Pot (because it has some girlie print on it), and the baby would be the Singer Grill. So, apparently I have no real connection with them other than I bought them. So I guess this makes me more of a slave owner. Except the machines can’t procreate so the gift of the Singer was a slave from the beginning and therefore cannot attain its freedom based on being born free. I’m not sure of the sociology of all this, maybe I will have to check out the biblical rules of slavery. I’m sure I will have to set them free in 7 years, but I’m sure they won’t leave on their own so maybe I need to be looking for the ears of these machines so I can drive an awl through them and make them my permanent slaves.

Really this post was to be about my new member of the “slave” family but I have been distracted with new thoughts about being a slave owner. So, the post that was in my head originally is becoming augmented with these new thoughts.

I received the Singer as a gift, as already mentioned, from the people who I said I would marry my Big George if I could. I now realize that that statement could not have been acted upon because Big George was already married to Crock Pot for the last two years. Anyway, I took Singer home and the next day I cleaned it up and got ready to have it make some sandwiches. I sat there for nearly 42 minutes waiting for Singer to make the sandwiches but he never did. I even barked some orders at it and when that didn’t work I even tried just barking at it. Nothing worked and then, while nose to nose with Singer barking at it, I realized the last time I had seen one of these.

It was close to 10 years ago when my good friend Matt was going to college or already at college. His grandmother bought him one of these for his eating enjoyment while living in a dorm at Kansas State. It then clicked that I had to do something, that even though it was a sandwich maker it wouldn’t literally make the sandwiches. So, I put in all the stuff I like on a turkey sandwich. Like turkey. And since the grill was really hot and ‘Ready’ as indicated by the light I put some cheese in there. I like cheese on a sandwich anyway but the thought that this grill would melt the cheese added to my enjoyment of having cheese on a sandwich.
The biggest problem I had was trying to think of whether or not I needed to put some sort of grease on the grill before I put the bread on it. Really the whole think looked very similar to a grilled cheese sandwich. But, I thought of Ron Poppel and he never used grease when he used this grill. (I think I remember him selling these things. If he didn’t then I have just created a false memory, which I do from time to time like the last part of my time in Baltimore). To solve my dilemma I put butter on one side and left the other side to potentially get burnt to a crisp (what is a crisp anyway and why are they burnt?).

Since Singer was ready I put on all the items already mentioned and closed the lid. Like a newborn baby my Singer came without instructions and I wasn’t in the position to ask for help. I mean Singer was signaling that he was ‘Ready’. Plus now I had opened the lid and put on all the stuff and Singer would soon not be ‘Ready’ any longer. Now I know what it is like to land the Space Shuttle. You just have a very narrow margin of time to work with before you have to scrub the whole mission. Being the adventurer that I am I took the risky venture and made a unilateral executive decision and closed the lid. . . almost.

Initially I didn’t take notice of the space between the lid and the base and therefore was unaware of how close they really are. Therefore, when the lid didn’t close I had to do some quick thinking. I squeezed the handles on the lid and the base really, really. . . really hard to get them to close. Had I had my tubby roommate I could have had him sit on Singer and the work would have been less but then it would have been difficult to close the latch on the handles. You know with all the fat that I would have to lift to even see Singer. He would have engulfed the little machine (and he would feel proud that he actually made it in my blog. So if you see my phat roommate you can tell him he made it in here). (When you tell him be sure you tell him I called him phat not fat. You will have to spell phat otherwise he may be offended. The tubby part isn’t offensive so you don’t have to mention that part).

I digress, Singer was closed, the latch was in place and now was the wait. I noticed that the ‘Ready’ light was off and I thought that maybe it would come back on when the food was ‘Ready’.
But as time went on and the light didn’t come back on I thought maybe I was wrong and the light was to come on the second time when the crisp was done. Maybe I hadn’t read the name well enough and this was actually a “Singer Sandwich Grill unless you cook the sandwich too long and then it is the Singer Crisp Maker”. I did see some more writing past the word “Grill” but they were smaller letters and I didn’t think they really mattered. Let that be a lesson to you you should always read the fine print.

To avoid the crisp, which didn’t seem that appetizing, I opened it. Both pieces of bread stuck to Singer and the melted cheese hung in the air like cobwebs. Despite all the carnage it looked good and I was hungry, however I didn’t think it was done so I closed the lid. This was a bad idea because when I opened the lid the alignment of the pieces of bread were shifted and therefore didn’t go back together the way they came apart and there was some new grilling noise that sounded much like crisp noise. I immediately opened to grill and began the evacuation procedure that I had been learning the last few years. Wisdom taught me that when bread, turkey and cheese are making sizzling noises on metal that one of two things are happening. Either the bread, turkey and cheese are really hot and therefore making the metal hot but less hot than the food, or the metal is hotter than the food and the food is sizzling because of the metal. I guess the third option could be a roommate or small child are making sizzling sounds in a far off corner of the house who is doing it not to scare you but for some unknown reason that is only known to that person. After ruling out the other options I again went with wisdom. And it told me that the metal would be hot. Therefore I used a knife to do the evacuation.

A little aside here for a moment while the tension is still at a fever pitch. I have a natural aversion to using knives in a poking fashion with unknown, currently plugged in, machines. I’ve been told that with a toaster this is a bad idea (and the cartoons tell the same story) and this grill seemed similar to a toaster. I also have an aversion to using water and machines (although I’m fine with a washing machine). While Singer sat on the countertop I thought long and hard before I plugged it in. You see while cleaning Singer nearly all of it got wet and I wasn’t too sure if it was supposed to get all wet. Anyway, after plugging it in I was clearly fine or else that would have been the first thing I mentioned.

I have had recent problems with heat and fire, and because of this my right hand and left forearm have paid the highest price. Therefore, I used my left hand to extract whatever the knife couldn’t do. It went flawlessly. All that was left was some residue of cheese from the ill-fated reclosing of the lid that prompted the immediate evacuation. I got it all onto a plate and ate in peace as a satisfied new Singer slave owner.

Sadler quote

2005-12-19T21:42:00.000-06:00

“He (St. Paul) was a chosen vessel of God, to bear His name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel. To this end, he must be accredited to the Church around him, have their confidence, and work with and by means of them. It became, therefore, indispensable that he should not only be washed from his sins in the sight of God by the Baptism made without hands, but also in the sight of the Church by the Baptism made with hands. Hence the exhortation of Ananias to him, “Why tarriest thou? Arise, and be baptized, and wash away they sins, calling on the name of the Lord.” “The God of our fathers hath chosen thee. You are His; avow yourself such without delay. You are His soldier, secretly but really enlisted: enroll yourself in the ranks openly, according to His general orders. You are a pardoned sinner before God: proclaim it before men.”

Let the reader, having perused this, now turn to the extracts I have given in Appendix B from Luther and Cranmer. Let him particularly notice that, whereas Luther and Cranmer account Baptism to be, under all circumstances, and act of God, the writer of the above considers it to be, under all circumstances, and act of the man baptized—simply a practical proof, as well as a significant act, of his inward submission to God. Now, if this be the meaning and intent of Baptism, inasmuch as no one soul can really know the sincerity of another, it seems to me that Baptism, by the hand of any minister whatsoever, is a pure mockery, for no man can really vouch for the sincerity of his fellow-man. And so, to carry out fully this idea, not only must the Baptism of Infants be at once abandoned, but that of adults, by any hands except their own.
If Baptism be an avowal of sincerity, inasmuch as each individual is the sole judge of his own sincerity, each man ought to baptize himself. From the preceding extracts, one would imagine that the leading view of Baptism which we find in the New Testament is that it is a profession of faith; whereas, in no one single place in the New Testament is Baptism said to be a profession of faith, or an avowal of faithfulness.
I repeat again, the place cannot be named where it is said to be a profession. The place cannot be named where it is not connected with spiritual grace, supposed to be bestowed in it. There is, of course, a profession of faith to be made before a man can be baptized; but this takes place before the Baptism, and the Baptism itself is always the act of another, in the name of His who commissioned him.

- M.F. Sadler in “The Second Adam and The New Birth”

stealing or bought?

2005-12-19T20:53:00.000-06:00

I was in a discussion a little while ago and the subject of motels and the use of their toiletries came up. I maintained the position that when you rent a room you have the right to use the toiletries that are necessary, but when you leave you leave those items that you didn’t use. However, those whom I was talking to thought that it is perfectly fine to take as many of those little soaps and shampoos that are there because you bought the room. I thought this idea problematic because where do you put on the brakes. Are the pictures, comforter, table and chairs, and trashcan up for grabs too or is there a secret code that says that these are off limits. I’m curious if I’m the only one who thinks that just because you can ask for more soaps when you need them doesn’t mean that you can take all the soaps you don’t use. Some think these toiletries are bought and I think not.

It does something

2005-12-17T14:36:00.000-06:00

I’ve been very curious about the efficacy of baptism lately and it has caused me to think back on my conversion. A man, named Mike, on the college campus I was going to had been talking to me frequently about Christ and my need to believe the gospel. I wanted none of it, but he was persistent. But never in our conversation did he ask me to “pray the prayer”. He would show me some prooftexts and say, “Do you believe this?”. Which I would respond, “Well, it’s all very probable so . . . ya. I believe it.” Upon hearing this he would become very excited and ask me to be baptized. Naturally I recoiled at this because of all that this implied. It is easy to say you believe a list of presuppositions but then to be baptized is to acknowledge that you identify with these people who believe these presuppositions.

Mike did not follow the modern evangelical route of getting me to pray the prayer but followed more closely to the bible and once someone believes he is then baptized. This follows the words of Jesus when he said, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Jesus did not say, “make disciples of the nations by asking them to come forward for an alter call” or “getting them to sign cards at a youth rally” or even to pray a prayer. Jesus calls us to baptize those who profess a belief in God. Therefore, if this is the prescribed mode that God calls for in the discipling of the nations then we shouldn’t be so caviler with casting it off as being a mere detail of the Christian life. I assert that it is essential.

Mike was right in telling me to be baptized if I believed and I was equally right in denying the baptism if I disbelieved. Why? because the sacrament isn’t just a bare naked symbol. Over and over again when the writers of the bible speak on baptism it is doing something. It is either uniting us to Christ (Rom 6), cleansing us (Eph. 5), forgiving us of sin (Acts 2, 22), giving the Holy Spirit (Acts 2), signifies us as buried and risen with Christ (Col. 2), clothes us with Christ (Gal 3), justifies and sanctifies (1 Cor. 6), and saves (1 Peter 3). How can it do all this and yet still be a mere symbol? The modern evangelical church thinks it has the Holy Spirit in a box and that they can pull it out whenever they want to. “Just do these 4 laws and pray this prayer and hocus-pocus your saved.” We even go as far as calling these laws ‘spiritual’ as if that makes it a more sanctified formula. But when the people leave do we have any assurance of their salvation? Do we know that they really meant it when they prayed those words. I mean after all we did coach them through the whole process.

Not only did we have no assurance of their union with Christ but these people have nothing biblical to harken back to when they are confronted with sin. John Calvin wrote in his Institutes, “Therefore, as often as we fall away, we ought to recall the memory of our baptism and fortify our mind with it, that we may always be sure and confident of the forgiveness of sins. For, though baptism, administered only once, seemed to have passed, it was still not destroyed by subsequent sins.” I had a low view of church when I was converted and thus waited 6 months before I was baptized and through my waiting I was able to do it in the presence of my family. The witness that this was to my family cannot adequately be expressed, but it did have an impact.

Growing up in Jr. and Sr. High school I hated Christians. I found their arguments ridiculous and their mythology more fanciful than my own. Yet, once I was converted I accepted all that I thought Christians were and believed and all that I thought Christians believed. Christians are creationists therefore even though I was an evolutionists and all my evidence pointed to that I was now a creationist. Also, Christians read the bible. The bible had both the new and old testament therefore it all was applicable. Since it is a book I read it from the beginning and where Israel was mentioned I put myself. Why did I do this? Because I saw that in baptism and in my belief in Christ I was identifying with the people of God. These Jews were the covenant people of God therefore how God deals with them applies to me.

Now not all of this did I formulate arguments for nor did I fully understand what I was doing. God, in his providence, put enough skepticism in me to inherently disbelieve everything that Christians told me. Whether that be a preacher or some guy on campus. I always went back to the bible to see if they were right. I think this kept me out of much of the modern evangelical thinking. Still, no matter how strong an oak is if it is immersed in water it will get wet. Yet, despite all this modern inherently Arminian evangelicalism, once I was presented with the ideas of Calvinism I told the person that presented them to me that this is what I have always believed from the beginning of my conversion. I have never not believed that God had everything to do with my salvation and that without Him I would never have wanted to follow Him. Much less continue to follow. I did not do anything to save myself, such as make a decision for Him, nor do I do anything to maintain my union with Him. He does it all from beginning to end. He is the author and finisher of my faith. My salvation was and is by faith and not of works therefore I boast in Christ and not myself. Eph. 2.8-10 “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that no of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one can boast For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” 1 Cor. 1.30, “But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption, that, just as it is written, ‘Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord.’”

So all this to say baptism does something more than just identify us with Christ for ourselves and for some witnesses. The bible doesn’t necessarily leave it at that. There is far more that is communicated with the sacrament than can be put on a blog, but the bible is an exhaustive work and it is in there that it is the most fully expressed.

1 Corinthians 10

2005-12-15T11:17:00.000-06:00

Corinth was a town of rank immorality and a town of both Jews and Gentiles. The church was also a mixed bag of both Jews and Gentiles, yet this did not stop Paul from declaring, “that our fathers were all under the cloud, and all passed through the sea; and all were baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea. . . “. What event was Paul referring to, and why would he include the Gentiles with the language “our” when the Gentiles do not have the same fathers as the Jews? This gets at the nature of the covenant. Paul says in Romans 2.28-29, “For he is not a Jew who is one outwardly; neither is circumcision that which is outward in the flesh. But he is Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is that which is of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the letter, and his praise is not from men but from God.” The Apostle Paul could not make it any more clear as to who is a Jew and who isn’t. A Jew is a person who has the Law written on their heart, a person who loves the Lord and demonstrates his love for the Lord by obeying the Law.

The event in history that Paul was harkening back to was the deliverance of Israel from Egypt by passing though the Red Sea. God delivered His covenant people from bondage not because of their obedience but because of His promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Paul uses the word “our” in reference to the fathers to signify that these men of faith are fathers to all those who believe God both Jew and Gentile. Thus they are our spiritual fathers but not necessarily our fathers by bloodline. If Paul were strictly talking about our ethnic fathers then he would be leaving out a significant portion of his congregation there at Corinth. Paul made it quite clear in First Corinthians chapter one verse two that he was talking to the entire church, “to the church of God which is at Corinth, to those who have been sanctified in Christ Jesus, saints by calling, with all who in every place call upon the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours.”

These fathers, theirs and ours, were ethnically Jews and some spiritually (i.e. Moses, Aaron, Jacob, and Caleb), but not all of them. Or else why would God “lay low” so many in the wilderness? God promised Abraham in Genesis 12 and 15 that He would be his God and that Abraham would be a blessing to all the families on the earth and that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the heavens. God has not failed to do this. The Gentiles were brought into covenant with God as Israel transgressed from the Lord. Therefore, through Israel’s rejection of God the Gentiles were grafted into the “rich root of the olive tree” (Romans 11.17). Thus brought into covenant with God the Gentiles can lay claim to the rich heritage of the Jewish forefathers as being “our” people.

“For I do not want you to be unaware, brethren, that our fathers were all under the cloud, and all passed through the sea; and all were baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea” (1 Cor. 10.1-2). If all of Israel was baptized then that would mean that the men, women and children were baptized or set apart for God. Baptism is the initiatory rite of the covenant that God has made with His people. We see the initiatory rite of circumcision in Genesis 17.10-11, “And you shall be circumcised in the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a sign of the covenant between Me and you. And every male among you who is eight days old shall be circumcised throughout your generations, a servant who is born in the house or who is bought with money from any foreigner, who is not of your descendants. A servant who is born in your house or who is bought with your money shall surely be circumcised; thus shall My covenant be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant.” We see that circumcision was the sign of the covenant with God’s people in the Old Covenant and baptism has replaced circumcision in the New. This is seen in Colossians 2.11-12, “and in Him you were also circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, in the removal of the body of the flesh by circumcision of Christ; having been buried with Him in baptism,in which you were also raised up with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead.” And our union with Christ is stated in Romans 6.4, “Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we slso should walk in newness of life.”

Therefore, 1 Corinthians shows that all Israel was brought into covenant with God as they passed through the Red Sea because all passed through the sea and all were baptized into Moses. At this point I could go into the typology of Moses and how he is a type of Christ in many areas of the Older Testament yet that is reserved for a future writing. At this point Paul now directs the people to the second sign of covenant with His people by communing with them. We see this throughout the Older Testament with the Temple, Ark of the Covenant and things of this nature. Yet, here we see that God tabernacled with His people by having them partake of Himself.

First Corinthians 10.1-5 describes the events of Moses and the Red Sea, Manna in the wilderness, and water brought forth from the rock in the wilderness. He says that the fathers partook of these things. Yet, who else partook of these things? If only the males passed through the Red Sea then why does Exodus 13 describe all the Jews as passing through the Red Sea? If only the males ate and drank the spiritual food then the women and children would have perished in the wilderness. Yet, as described further in Exodus it is the next generation who enter the promised land. Therefore, we must speak as scripture speaks and say that all Israel, men women and children, passed through the Red Sea, ate the Manna in the wilderness, and drank of the Rock in the wilderness.

If we admit this, as scripture would warrant, then what does scripture say they actually did? “[A]nd all ate the same spiritual food; and all drank the same spiritual drink, for they were drinking from a spiritual rock which followed them; and the rock was Christ” 1 Corinthians 10. If this isn’t clear enough in John 6 Jesus says the He was the manna from heaven. Therefore, those men, women and children were all partaking of Christ. They communed with God, by the sacrament of communion. So you see very clearly that Paul is stating that those who ate the manna were partaking of Christ and those who were drinking the water were partaking of Christ. All those who were doing these two things had the second sign of the covenant. Jesus institutes the sacrament of communion in Matthew 26 and states that his body and blood are to be consumed by those who are in covenant with Him. We see that Judas is one of those who communions with the Lord but he spurns the grace contained within the sacrament.

So, one can see that God is calling these people to follow Him and to partake of Him covenantally. The men are called individually yet because of that calling the entire family is called into covenant with God;. The woman is not left out of the signs of the covenant because she doesn’t believe in God. She is partaking of Christ and is obligated to obey because of her union with her believing husband or father. Likewise the children are not kept from being baptized or eating of Christ till they are able to articulate a “correct theology”. They partake on the basis of their covenantal union with God through their father.

“Nevertheless with most of them God was not well pleased; for they were laid low in the wilderness.” When Paul says “laid low” he is saying that they died. God recognized their covenantal union with Him and He held them to the obligations of the covenant. He gave them signs, seals and symbols of this union, nevertheless, despite them being in covenant with Him, “with most of them” He was not pleased. God was not pleased with them so He affected justice on His people and they died as a result of their disobedience to the obligations of the covenant.

One might ask, “what was God not pleased with?” The verses in this section look back to events in Israel’s history such as the crossing of the Red Sea, manna in the wilderness, water coming from a rock, rejection of going into the Promised Land, the Golden calf, marring women who worshipped foreign gods, grumbling against God (biting of the serpents), and the rebellion of Korah. Throughout all this their prevailing attitude was a continual looking back at the time in Egypt as being the time of blessing. They viewed this as a time when all their needs were met and they had “modern” conveniences mask their slavery. They disdained God’s provision of food even while the food was in their mouths. They mocked God’s promises by claiming that Egypt was the real place of milk and honey and not the land their fathers were promised. They said this with full mouths as God had continually met all their needs and yet they grumbled, craved evil things, walked in idolatry, acted immorally, an tried the Lord.

They did not humbly accept and praise God for what they had been given. Notice too that it was the fathers who rebelled against the Lord yet the women and children were also punished. Korah and his entire family as well as everything he owned was swallowed up by the Earth.

Verses 6, 11-14

“Now these things happened as examples for us, that we should not crave evil things, as they also craved. Now these things happened to them as an example, and they were written for our instruction, upon whom the ends of the ages have come. Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.”

Now if these items of history happened and have been written down for our instruction then what are we to learn from them? We must learn from our history so as to not incur the same consequences from the sins committed or to receive the blessings from obeying the law. After all, if I can see a man that has been stopped by the police on the same highway that I am traveling on then that is a lesson and a hint that I may need to check my speed to make sure that I am following the law.

The first lesson is clear we mustn’t crave evil things. Paul chose these items of history with a purpose and nearly all of them deal with God’s chosen people rebelling against Go’s ways. They have the attitude of, “Sure God has been good to us right now, but what about later and actually I think we were better off when we were slaves for the Egyptians. At least there we had three meals a day. I see a lot of trouble ahead therefore He has led me here and has now abandoned me.” The other attitude is one of envy for those things that God has prohibited, such as foreign wives. They are not foreign in the sense that they were of a different ethnic origin; they were foreign in the sense of a different religion. As the people of God mingled with and married foreign women of foreign gods then the people of God began to worship those gods. This is not devotion to God but devotion to convenience, with god abhors. These prohibitions that the Lord has instituted are not in place to keep one from having fun but to protect His people from actions that are destructive to His people and His name. This is not an exhaustive look at these lessons but they tested, grumbled against, were unsatisfied, discontent, untrusting, and faithless towards the very God who delivered them from the bondage of Egypt and was willing to give them the promises that He promised to their forefathers.

They became arrogant in their stance and what God had done for them. They thought they could stand; yet in the end they fell. We too must be careful how we live and see that everything that the LORD has blessed us with is by His mercy and grace and we stand (are justified) by grace through faith. It is when we become most complacent in our faith and our walk with the Lord that we are most susceptible of falling into sin and if that sin is left unrepented of then we will incur the judgment of God. This does not necessarily mean that God dos not love you, for He is love. Hebrews 12 teaches us a little about the nature of God’s love for His children.

God’s judgment can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on the recipient’s actions. Abraham, Moses, David, and Paul sinned against the Lord and did incur a certain judgment from the Lord, yet they inherited the promises of God. They are in heaven now. What did they do? They repented of their sin and lived in obedience to His word. We, in like manner, ought to do the same. If God says in Exodus 32.33 that He will blot certain people out of His book and Jesus says a similar thing in Revelation 3.5 then we must understand that those people were in the book. They had a real union with the Lord. They were the people of God, Israel. We can only understand this if we look at scripture covenantally and gain wisdom from John 15 and Romans 11. Both in some ways describe a vine or branch and a vine or branch are representative of God’s covenant people. Those branches that do not bear fruit are cut off and thrown into the fire. Now these branches had an organic, objective, real relationship with the plant/root. You would not see the branch and not realize that it was a branch for it is declared to be a branch. Yet they were cut off for not being fruitful. It is a word picture as its often used in the bile and that fruit is described in Galatians chapter 3 and that fruit comes from those who are indwelt with the Holy Spirit. So, they (the unfruitful branches) were broken off so that I might be grafted in and therefore I stand by faith. Because I, being a wild olive branch, do not deserve this blessing of being grafted into this olive tree that is God’s family, but that is exactly what has happened.

Yet knowing this we ust not fear because we have a great promise from God. “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.” Verse 13 from 1 Corinthians 10. What is this way of escape? The way of escape is Jesus Christ Himself. As we repent of our sin we will turn in the direction of our Savior and live for Him. He has redeemed us, He was the Lamb that was slain for the remission of our sins, therefore, we must live for HIm. It is the only proper response. Read the scriptures given on your own time and think upon what those temptation were that the people of God fell into in the Older Testament. They are those of 1 John 2.15-16, “Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.” This is what all sin ultimately falls into; a lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life. It is what got Eve in the Garden, it is what got these people of god in the Older TEstament and it is what gets the people of God today. Therefore, let us “pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.”

“Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.” verse 14. All that Paul has been discussion about our forefathers is summarized in this verse. Our forefather’s sinful actions are there as lighthouses to guide us away from danger and that danger is idolatry. Idolatry may take many forms such as a Golden calf or something more subtle, like self-worship. When we use the time that God has given us as a time to glorify the self instead of the Father than we have put our time at a premium above time with God either through prayer, reading or the Word, or other forms of worship. We are to flee idolatry and thus by doing this we will be demonstration that we have learned from our forefathers and progressed in our understanding of God’s word.

May the Lord bless the reader and hearer of His blessed word.

My humble apologies

2005-12-15T09:43:00.000-06:00

To avoid anymore confusion and in an attempt to forestall the potential for a bad name I have removed one of my more "enlightening" posts. For those who read it and were worried about me, let me comfort you by telling you that I'm not as strange as this post about unhealthy women could have made you think I was. Don't get me wrong, my humor, observations, and theories are a bit strange but with my lack of clarity and peoples natural inclination to assume the worst the potential for a massive train wreck of ideas and assumptions about the writer was nearly unavoidable. As was proven by some of the comments made. For those who never read the post on 'unhealthy women', you are better off for it. Those who are still distressed by the post may need to contact me further, or just believe me when I say that I'm not that bad. Wherever your fanciful ideas may take you. That's it, good day.

Salvation and the Church

2005-12-12T12:18:00.000-06:00

Westminster Confession of Faith:

“The visible Church, which is also catholic or universal under the gospel (not confined to one nation as before under the law), consists of all those throughout the world that profess the true religion: and of their children: and is the kingdom of the Lord Jesus Christ, the house and family of God, out of which there is no ordinary possibility of salvation.”

John Calvin

“I shall start, then, with the church, into whose bosom God is pleased to gather his sons, not only that they may be nourished by her help and ministry as long as they are infants and children, but also that they may be guided by her motherly care until they mature and at last reach the goal of faith. ‘for what God has joined together, it is not lawful to put asunder” [Mark 10.9], so that, for those to whom he is Father the church may also be Mother. And this was so not only under the law but also after Christ’s coming, as Paul testifies when he teaches that we are the children of the new and heavenly Jerusalem [Gal. 4.26].

For there is not other way to enter into life unless this mother conceive us in her womb, give us birth, nourish us at her breast, and lastly, unless she keep us under her care and guidance until, putting off mortal flesh, we become like the angels [Matt. 22.30].

“Remember me, O Jehovah, with favor toward thy people; visit me with salvation; that I may see the well-doing of thy chosen ones, that I may rejoice in the joy of they nation, that I may be glad with thine inheritance” [Ps. 106.4-5; Ps. 105.4]. By these words God’s fatherly favor and the especial witness of spiritual life are limited to his flock, so that it is always disastrous to leave the church.

Good book

2005-12-12T12:08:00.000-06:00

Just a really good book. It is about baptism and its efficacy and it is a really challenging read.

Riding in Baltimore

2005-12-12T11:58:00.000-06:00

I was in Baltimore Maryland last summer taking a class on how to do general maintenance on Halmatro Rescue Tools. They are tools like the jaws of life that you see fire fighters using. I was there because at the time I was a fire fighter and it was to help me go to the South Pole, which regrettably never took place. The most amazing part about the whole thing was the time after the class.

There were about 8 men in the class and there were no women. (Not that that really matters I’m just giving you an idea of the class size). The class was to last for two days so on the first night the eight of us decided to go out on the town. This was as close to the actual Mason/Dixion line that I ever came to at that time. I actually crossed it this summer but never even seen a marker to tell me that I crossed it. I figured such an old town as Baltimore would have a pretty interesting buffet of pubs and local breweries. This may be true but the group I was traveling with wasn’t really interested in good beer. Although, to their credit they were into good desserts. We walked a lot and ended up in the little Italy part of Baltimore and had some Gelatino (whatever that Italian ice cream is called).

After this we walked around and I found a couple of giraffes standing in downtown Baltimore. They didn’t seem comfortable in a town of this size so I slowly approached one of them and calmly reassured him that I meant him no harm. When I got to the point of being able to put my hands on him I anti-calmed him by yelling “Lion!!”. You would have thought this was stupid and mean had you not been there but I used to be a large animal zoo keeper/trainer and I know what I’m doing. You see I’m a person of small stature and I have chicken legs, and, in case you are unaware adult giraffes are quite tall. Therefore, in order for me to mount this giraffe I would need someone to hoist me to the top or get the giraffe to sit. This giraffe did not look to be well trained so sitting was out of the question so I scared it. When a giraffe is scared, and the type of scared that means they will die if they don’t move like lightening, then they will lower their body slightly to increase the amount of power in the next step. So, when I screamed, “Lion!!” the giraffe, being scared for its life, lowered slightly and at this point I jumped aboard.

Once on board it took quite a bit of talking to get him to calm back down, but
back in my early days with the zoo I was known as the large animal whisperer. It was shortened to whatever animal I was currently working with so in this case I would have been called the Giraffe Whisperer. I drove ‘Fred’ back to where my friends were and had them take my picture. I grew attached to the giraffe and affectionately called him Fred.

The sad part of this photo is that the reason of there being a giraffe in downtown Baltimore became all too evident. This is why Fred has the deer-in-the-headlights look. At this moment there was a stampede of people (I assume Baltimoreans although none of them stopped to tell me who they were). Followed behind them was a stampede of other zoo animals. (I have poor sentence structure so I am using the ‘other zoo animals’ to refer to Fred being a zoo animal and I am not saying that Baltimoreans are zoo animals. That just wouldn’t be kind).

This is the last photo that my friend took. I don't know if those are his skivies on those horns or someone else's. Either way it is pretty terrifying. The guy who took the photo was never seen again as the onslaught of animals and people crushed him into microdust. To make sure I didn’t inhale him I held my breath for as long as I could and then pulled my shirt over my nose and used it as a filter. The shirt filtered out the big stuff which I find to be the most damaging parts that can compromise your immune system. Thankfully the guy didn’t use the lanyard on the camera (like I told him to) or I would have lost my camera too. As it was it was tossed from his hands and landed behind a lightpost and free from the danger of the mob.

The national guard come rolling through on tanks and large trucks and I offered my assistance with rounding up the mob and stampede. But since I didn’t dress like a tree they didn’t want me to help. Although, one of the guys behind the one in charge kept clamoring to ride my giraffe. I gave the man in charge a brief history of my dealing with large zoo animals and he let me go to round up the ‘herd’ on my own. You see I can be pretty persuasive when I’m riding an adult giraffe in downtown Baltimore. I really felt like the guy in “The Man from Snowy River”. Although there wasn’t a big hill to travel down.

To make a long story short I was able to round up the rest of the zoo animals and the mayor of Baltimore thanked me for my hard work with bringing calm back to the city of Baltimore. I guess now my friends at the zoo will call me the Baltimore Whisperer. In addition to the National Guard this fella help too. I just called him Gringo. He had a natural persuasion all his own.

Rogue's I2PA

2005-12-12T10:36:00.000-06:00

Rogue Imperial Pale Ale

I brewed this beer a little over 5 weeks ago and in doing this I made a vow to God that I would not taste any alcohol till I put this beer in a keg. Hallelujah my fast is over! And may God be praised for His provision of beer. I did make allowances for special occasions such as Thanksgiving and fellowship times with the men of the church but other than that I remained without God’s wonderful blessing. The beer should have only taken two weeks to ferment but when I made the beer the temperature dropped 20 degrees and since the only heat I have in the house is that which is generated by our fireplace and since I don't get home till 1700 hrs. that means that the house is essentially the same temp. as it is outside. This being the case the low temp caused my yeast to slow down its work. In addition to the low temp the beer is an imperial (meaning more ingredients and therefore a higher alcohol content) the yeast was working extra hard to continue the fermentation process.

So at around 3 weeks the fermentation stopped and I checked the specific gravity and it was only a little past halfway through its fermentation process. Plus, the most alarming thing was that it was retrograde fermenting. Meaning that the air was being sucked into the carboy and into the beer. This isn’t good.
Normal fermentation will have bubbles come out of the carboy and into the air via the gooseneck devise called an airlock.

I called the Home Brewery where I get all my supplies and they were more than helpful in helping me with my problem. (They can be reached at 1.800.321.BREW or www.homebrewery.com they are fantastic). They told me that the yeast in my beer went dormant because of the low temperature and the hard time it was having in fermenting. So, I siphoned the beer out into a bucket and then siphoned it back into the carboy to reactivate the yeast. I also filled up a plastic tub with water and put the carboy into it with an aquarium heater that I wasn’t using.

I think the theory is a sound one (if the water is a certain temperature such as 70* then the beer will be the same temperature). However, it was still a slow and arduous process. So around week 4 I began to put the beer on top of our kegerator while we had our fireplace going. This seemed to work pretty well as the stopcock was pretty active.

But alas, the yeast once again went dormant and since the specific gravity was around 1.03 (ideal would be 1.02) I went ahead and kegged the beer. I tried it and although there was a great deal of sediment (yeast and left over hops) the beer was pretty good. Although, I will let it sit in the keg for about 2 weeks before I will really tap this beer. The time will help it mellow out a bit. But it will still be pretty hoppy. Rogue just makes really good beers and even though this is just a clone of theirs it tastes much like what they make. I made a Rochfort Trappist Ale #10 that tastes better than the original. My roommate Blake helped me with that one.

2005-12-12T10:23:00.000-06:00

These books are just good reading. If you can't read them the books are all of early Antarctic exploration and they are "Endurance" by Alfred Lansing, "Shackelton's Forgotten Men", and "Mawson's Will". Although, the authors do not write with an expressly Christian worldview the care and providence of God is clear through out these mens ordeals. These are just great true stories of men overcoming tremendous odds and the natural elements of nature to accomplish missions that are bigger than themselves and the will to die for the men beside them. To me there are numerous Christian themes here. Living for Christ and being a member of His church is truely to be in something much bigger than yourself and we too must be willing to die for our friend/brother Christ. In addition to all this you get to hear/read how people manage to live and continue the struggle to survive when they have to deal with the soles of their feet falling off. When does that ever happen? I just can't put these books down.

Something funny

2005-12-07T19:06:00.000-06:00

My roommate brought this to my attention from Credenda Agenda Vol. 13 Number 3 titled "The Hearing" by Douglas Wilson. I don't know if the events actually happened or not, but if they didn't then they are still funny. And if they did actually happen then they are hysterical. Enjoy.

In a forward he wrote for a forthcoming book of mine on education (excused Absence by Crux Press), Marvin Olasky was kind enough to mention an edifying thought experiment which had me, no doubt for sins committed in my youth, nominated for the post of Secretary of Education. He mentioned that some members of Congress might salivate at the prospect of asking certain questions. He did not mention that the impossibility of ever getting to answer said questions is a very deep and abiding grief for me.

SEN. KENNEDY: Your opening comments, Mr. Wilson, were, um, to the point. But I thought I heard in there somewhere that you were opposed to prayer in our public schools. Can I have heard you correctly?

WILSON: Yes, sir. You heard correctly.

SEN. KENNEDY: How is this consistent with the well-known agenda of the Religious Right to return prayer to the public schools?

WILSON: It is not consistent.

SEN. KENNEDY: I have to say that I am surprised and somewhat gratified to hear. . .

WILSON: I am opposed to prayer in the government schools for the same reason I am opposed to drinking fountains, lockers, classrooms and children there. If we take all the children out, as we clearly should, then we have neatly solved the vexing problem of prayer there [catcalls and laughter from the gallery].

SEN. KENNEDY: Well, this explains something. Is it not true that you hail from northern Idaho? Your region, as you perhaps know, has a reputation for extremism—do you plan on bringing an extremist agenda to the Department of Education?

WILSON: No sir. I consider myself a moderate. Extremists are to my right and left.

SEN. KENNEDY: What sort of education reform proposal would you consider extreme?

WILSON: The famous writer H.L. Mencken once said that there was nothing wrong with our system of education that could not be solved by burning all the schools and hanging all the teachers. This is extreme, in my view.

SEN. KENNEDY: Do you want to be confirmed?

WILSON: Not really.

SEN. KENNEDY: What would you do if confirmed?

WILSON: I would be happy to give the employees three weeks to wrap up various projects, clear out their desks, send out resumes, that sort of thing. I would hope to get the job done and be back in Idaho within a month or so.

SEN. KENNEDY: No more questions. I have heard quite enough.

SEN. CLINTON: What is your view of the president’s proposed budget?

WILSON: With regard to education, you mean?

SEN. CLINTON: Yes.

WILSON: I am deeply concerned about all the money in it.

SEN. CLINTON: Concerned? Money?

WILSON: In my view, all that money came from somewhere, and most of it wasn’t from me. So I think we should return it.

SEN. CLINTON: You should know that we cannot have the kind of educational system we have today without taxation.

WILSON: This is true. If you really want to have government education, in order to rear a child, it takes a pillage.

SEN. CLINTON: Village.

WILSON: Excuse me. Yes, ma’am. That too.

SEN. CLINTON: Do you support the bill recently introduced in the House which calls for federal standards for all homeschoolers?

WILSON: No, ma’am. I do not.

SEN. CLINTON: Do you have a reason? Or do you just repeat whatever you hear on talk radio? Do they even have radio in the century you come from?

WILSON: No, ma’am. I don’t listen to talk radio. Rush is a commie.

SEN. CLINTON: I was asking for a reason for your opposition to a bill that sets standards for all homeschoolers.

WILSON: I do not believe that people who are too stupid to educate their own children are wise enough to educate other people’s.
SEN. CLINTON: It is obviously pointless to argue with you. But for those who might be swayed by such vicious and hate-filled sentiments, may I ask what you would do with all those children who grow up without an education because of this lack of educational standards?

WILSON: They would get a job with the government.

SEN. CLINTON: Are you aware that what you are doing qualifies as hate speech?

WILSON: That wouldn’t surprise me.

SEN. CLINTON: Don’t you ever worry about being charged with hate crimes?

WILSON: As opposed to what? The regular run-of-the-mill love crimes?

SEN. CLINTON: Mr. Chairman, I would like to register my formal protest that this man was brought here at all . . .

WILSON: I take it that I am about to be dismissed? I didn’t even have a chance to work in a reference to my friendship with Steve Wilkins, and my affection for the Confederate flag . . .
General chaos followed. The nominee was removed and is not really cooperating with the authorities.

Walter Payton talked to me!

2005-12-01T22:43:00.000-06:00

I apologize for all those who have been waiting for me to write something. I just can’t think of anything to write. Actually, that isn’t exactly true. I think of all sorts of things but I’m never in a position to write those thoughts down. Then since I didn’t write anything down I forget all those wonderful thoughts once I’m in front of a computer. I knew that I was going to be in front of a computer for the next 6 hours so I thought I might try to remember something to write down. I thought I would share one of my claims to fame.

I grew up watching football with my Dad and because I grew up in the 80’s I loved the Chicago Bears and more importantly I idolized Walter Payton. I didn’t idolize him in the sense of building wooden or stone figures of him and worshiping them. Although, I did set aside every Sunday afternoon to see how he performed that week and anytime there was a bye weekend for the Bears I was saddened. So, I guess I did worship him. I set aside a particular day, his stats were my bible, and I had numerous football cards of him that I stored very carefully and only took out on special occasions kinda like an idol. That all sounds pretty religious to me. So I stand corrected (self-corrected) I did idolize Walter Payton in the way I didn’t originally think I idolized him.

Anyway, I was more than upset in 1986 when William ‘Refrigerator’ Perry ran a 2-4 yard run for a touchdown during the Superbowl when Walter Payton never scored a touchdown in the game. I mean the Bears beat the Patriots 55 to 10 you would think the best running back of all time could be given the opportunity to score a touchdown in the one game where every player wants to be. Walter Payton retired in 1987 and in an emotional knee jerk reaction I found a new team to pull for. I followed/worshiped Walter Payton not the Bears. Although, to this day I still see how they are doing kinda like a step-team. Which I guess makes me a step-fan. Now on special football holidays I will have to split my time between my two teams. It’s all so complicated now. I advise not getting involved with other teams. Just pick one and keep that one till you die. It makes life much easier to deal with.

I’m getting on a tangent here. Around 1995 I found out that Walter Payton was going to be in Wichita at a Lawn and Garden show. I don’t know how I found this out because at the time I couldn’t care less about lawns or gardens. But being the worshiper of Walter Payton I saw my opportunity to see this great man and I took advantage of the situation. I went into my closet and retrieved those coveted football cards. I had these cards vacuumed sealed (with the same vacuum sealer that my Dad and I used to dispatch some unwanted puppies. That isn’t a funny story so I won’t share that one, but just a part of my strange upbringing) so I had to open the bag that had the rookie card and second year card. I don’t think I can fully explain the emotions that were envolved with this action . . . so I’ll try. I spent a great deal of money on these cards and looking for them was a passion of mine as a boy. Actually, it was more of an all consuming drive. It wasn’t quite like the Star Trek fan freakiness but as close as you could come without actually painting myself black and getting a tight curled fade. I was around 20 years old when this was happening and Walter Payton retired from football in 1987, so for 8 to 10 years these cards remained in the package behind the doors of my closet and hidden behind a bunch of other stuff. Mr. Payton was only going to sign 1 autograph per person and I had two cards that I wanted signed so I got my brother to help me.

I’m not sure what Walter Payton was doing at a Lawn and Garden show but regardless of his reasons my brother, his wife, and I got there early enough to beat most of Wichita. We later found out that Mr. Payton was only going to sign a few autographs and then they would turn everyone else away. The enthusiasm was pretty high for myself and my sister-in-law who happened to be the self-proclaimed “Biggest Bears Fan Ever”. My brother could not have cared any less. (He wasn’t into football therefore not into the Bears therefore not into Walter Payton. He liked burning things and shooting rabbits with his blowgun). We stood in line for what seemed like an eternity. There were all sorts of people but mostly older people and guys explaining to their children why it was so important to spend hours in a line that led to a man that wasn’t Santa.

The guy in front of me had a Bears football helmet that had a few signatures from other Bears like Gale Sayers. My brother’s wife was in front of my brother (she was holding her own 8X10 glossy photo) and my brother was in front of me (he was holding my Walter Payton second year card) and I was next holding the Rookie card. It was great, I was beaming, my sister-in-law was beside herself and my brother was just beside the both of us. It was a lot like the movie “A Christmas Story” and my sister-in-law and I were like Ralph’s little brother (“Oh, wow a Zeppelin!”) and my brother was like Ralph while wearing the ‘Deranged Easter Bunny’ outfit. It was quite the sight.

The anticipation of actually communicating with what I now realize was my deity was nerve racking. I was also nervous about my brother mishandling my football card. I’m pretty anal about most things and during my football card days was learned the fine art of being anal. But to my brother’s credit he knew of my paranoia and did everything flawlessly. I was very grateful. However, as I extended my card to Walter Payton, with my ear to ear grin, I got a punch in the gut. Not a literal one though. I handed the card to him and said something I can’t remember, it is all a blur now, but I do remember Walter Payton’s response. How could I forget, the man I worshiped for so many years was talking to me? He said, “Didn’t you already come through here?” Did I already come through here? What do you mean? I would have to beat all of Wichita twice and still get in line before the cut off. None of this actually went through my mind though. I just thought this is crazy Walter Payton is talking to me.

So, I did what I do in most uncomfortable situations I think of something funny to say. My humor didn’t fail me either as I said, “No, I haven’t been here before. But you know us white guys we all look alike.” He laughed heartily and looked up to his body guard and said, “I didn’t say that, I didn’t say that” while laughing. If I remember right his body guard was laughing too. And in some of my more warped recollections I remember everyone in line and at the entire Lawn and Garden show laughing and explaining and reexplaining to those around them the great joke I told to a living legend, but I only remember that when I’m becoming conceited.

This was just fantastic here I am standing in the presence of my boyhood hero and I told a joke that he actually laughed at, and he wasn’t laughing to just be nice. I actually caught his funny bone unexpectedly. He signed the card, shook my hand and was just really happy. I like to think that I made his day. Oh sure he was really honored to be signing the same helmet that Gale Sayers signed but after hundreds of signatures I’m sure a good laugh was like a breath of fresh air or a cup of cold water on a hot day. I think I floated away from his table and into my brother’s car. It all didn’t sink in till later on that I made Walter Payton laugh at one of my jokes. I wasn’t just another faceless fan in an endless line of people I was the white guy that made a funny racist joke.

I have put those cards back into their vacuum sealed bags but due to childhood trauma I haven’t been able to bring myself to use the vacuum sealer again, and it’s broken. So, the cards remain open to the air and all the damaging chemicals in that element.

Spotless Mind

2005-11-22T02:24:00.000-06:00

I am at work now and occasionally when people don’t want to die I get time to view a movie. A co-worker of mine brought a Jim Carrey movie called “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”. I hate to give an endorsement for a movie as it can be problematic. If they cuss then those who I recommended the movie to will think I think cussing is okay. However, this movie is interesting. Very quickly the story is, Boy and Girl meet and begin dating each other. After a passage of time Girl gets tired of Boy and dumps him and goes to a Psychologist to have every memory of this Boy erased from her brain. After some strange encounters with Girl after memory removal Boy finds out what she did and out of spite he does the same. He then fights the treatment to try and hold onto some of the good times they had. I won’t give away the ending but it is interesting how people without a biblical world view see their life experiences as being fulfilling in the absence of God despite how horrible those experiences may be in the moment they are happening. I don’t have all this figured out but there is some deep theological stuff going on in this movie in an anti-God fatalistic kind of way. Interesting is the best description of the movie I can give and for those who love dating as a method of finding a happy marriage should develop a way of erasing memories so that they can retain their optimistic view of a fallen system.

King's deer

2005-11-21T23:54:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I think and sometimes when I think I think of thinking things that make other people think. Then at other times I think of things that others don’t think of or don’t want to think of. I’m not sure where this rant fits. I’ve never really gone hunting before. Oh, sure I was a kid so my brother and I would kill all sorts of things with our BB guns. And occasionally my Dad would take us out to the river where we would walk endlessly in the hopes of seeing a rabbit. But I’ve never really gone out of my way to plan and actually sit and hunt. But with much enthusiasm and an MP3 player I set out to be a shadow to a friend who had gotten his permit to hunt. This is where I began thinking. Why do we have to get permits to hunt animals who reside on our own land? My contention is that they, those animals specifically deer, belong to the King. They are the King’s deer and the King only wants you to kill them if he has approved you. I have taken the analogy of the King/government from a friend of mine but I think it is a great analogy.

Also, who owns the land? Even if you own your land outright, meaning you do not pay any payments for the land you live on what would happen if you didn’t pay your property tax? The government would come and take the land and kick you off. So, this land doesn’t actually belong to you does it. If it did why would you be booted off of something that was yours? So, what we have is a big rental property that the government/King owns and if you don’t pay your land payment then he will come and take what he feels is his. He is so big and has such deep pockets that you essentially have no rights to defend yourself and are left with no recourse but to pay the tax. Think about it. Your great-great-great grandfather could have bought and paid for the land you live on and it could be paid off for the last 3 generations yet if you don’t pay your property tax (which could be just a $100) you will lose what has been in your family for generations. Is this just? I thought we had liberty here in the U.S..

Therefore, since the King practically owns the land then he can decide who can kill his animals. It is deer season for all those non-hunters and I am finding out some very troubling things. I have not researched this information on conservation department people but apparently they can enter your house without a permit/warrant to ensure that you do not have any deer in your fridge that is over a year old. Apparently it is illegal to have deer from the previous season. It seems odd that the King would be so concerned about dead deer in my fridge but won’t do anything about the Clopects down the road who are storing dead people in their fridge. (For those who haven’t seen the movie ‘The Burbs’ in a while will miss the Clopect joke. So watch the movie and laugh later).

In summary, the King owns the land therefore he owns the animals on that land and you need to take however many classes are required to get your license to kill. You will also need to get your specific tags and then report everything that you kill. Otherwise, Big Brother will come and take all that you have imagined you own.

Go Bach!

2005-11-05T10:54:00.000-06:00

I found this rare talent while traveling through New York City right in front of Central Park. I was hoping to see some muggings or something while near the park but no all I saw of any value was this guy. When his fans screemed for Bach and he played it they were amazed, but when the crowd changed and they clammored for Skynard and they were denied the crowd revolted and now you can see parts of those buckets tied onto the hoods of some automobiles.

OOOh photos

2005-11-01T17:17:00.000-06:00

Thanks to my friend Aaron I am able to post some photos. It really isn't that hard but I'm not patient nor very daring when it comes to computers. So, thanks to him and my Canon camera everyone can enjoy some photos from time to time. This photo was taken in Southern New Zealand in 2005. It was a sunrise and it got better but this is when my camera started to have some problems from being dropped on the ice the year before. You can actually see some beginning problems in the middle of the photo. When it is really bad the whole picture is black.

Whatchu Talkin' 'bout Paul?

2005-11-01T14:58:00.000-06:00

Can you preach the doctrine of election as good news? We want to but can we? We want to say that there are those whom the Father has chosen from the foundation of the world to eternal salvation, yet the flip side of this is reprobation. Which is clearly anti-good news. Who wants to be reprobate? How does Paul use election? How does he communicate to the churches he was instrumental in helping form?

Ephesians 1.4 the Apostle Paul says very clearly that “He [God] chose us in Him [Jesus] before the foundation of the world. . . having predestined us to adoption as sons”. To whom is Paul writing this letter? He says he is writing to the saints who are in Ephesus. This is an open letter that is to be read to all who are in the church in the town of Ephesus. So everyone who is in church on that Sunday, and every day that this would be read, would hear that they personally are chosen by God. They were and are elect. As this epistle was spoken were the parents of the children of the congregation looking at their children saying to them,

“You realize that he is talking to your Mom and I but not you, right? You still have to have some sort of conversion experience. You need to believe in Jesus and what all this baptism stuff means. This all will apply to you if you say the prayer right and at the right age.”

“But, I do love Jesus,” child's response.

“I know you do, but you see your Mom and I don’t think you really know what you mean by that. See your only four years old and I don’t think you fully comprehend what is going on here. Now lets be quiet as Paul is saying some more things that only apply to your Mother and I.”

See how ridiculous this all sounds. Why not just leave the kids outside to tend to the horses if none of this applies to them (or better yet why not put them in some sort of age segregated group where you can corral all those who have no connection with these wonderful promises), if they too are not called by God to be the people of God. Moses led God’s people through the Red Sea and through the Wilderness. That generation was not allowed to enter God’s rest symbolized by the Promised Land. Who did enter it? God’s people. Who were they? I thought God let His people perish outside of the Promised Land. Those who entered the Promised Land were the descendants of those adults who were Gods people. They were the children who passed through the Red Sea. They were the same children who were guided by Moses throughout the wilderness, who had the protection and covering of the cloud by day and pillar of fire by night, those who ate manna every day for 40 years and who drank water from the rock in the Wilderness. They were the the people of God. They entered the Promised Land and had children who also were the people of God.

When someone starts to talk outside the systematic view of election those who believe in the Doctrines of Grace may begin to feel their undergarments getting wadded up but fear not for this teaching is nothing new to the Christian faith. The apostle Paul had talked this way long before our systematic theology books were written. Our system of viewing scripture, although good, is one sided. To be sure God knows whom is eternally redeemed and no one can be lost or added to this number. He knows who is getting into heaven, but we are not privy to such information. We don’t have the ability to peer into heaven and see whose name is written in the Book of Life and whose isn’t. We have what God has given us, His word and we must speak as it speaks.

Our systematic theology books would seem to have us speak as though if you say one is elect then that would mean that they have their ticket to heaven and it doesn’t matter what he does in the course of their life now because they have their ticket to heaven. However, scripture does not speak this way. Over and over again the apostle Paul, as well as the apostle Peter, speak the clear and unapologetic voice of election to those who are in the church and at the same time he warns them of grieving the Holy Spirit and of falling away (apostasy). Why would he do this? If they are elect then they can’t apostatize, right? Wrong. Paul warns of apostasy to those in the church because it is a very real and frightening thing. Why else would Peter counsel us to “be even more diligent to make your calling and election sure” (2 Pet. 1.10) if the ability of falling away was not a reality? Therefore, if our system can not accommodate the language of scripture then we must change our system and let scripture speak for itself.

So we must confess that those who are members of the church are elect. They are the chosen people of God and because of their election they have certain responsibilities placed upon them due to their union with Christ. There are many people throughout scripture who were elect, part of the chosen people of God, who did not persevere to the end. Just read Deuteronomy 28. Those who spurn the grace of God should expect a worse fiery torment than those who never knew God as Hebrews 10. 29 would point out, “How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace?” Realize that this person is reaping great punishment because he spurned the grace of God by refusing to live for the Son of God, but also realize that this blood of Christ also sanctified this one who has fallen away. So not only does this blood sanctify but it also puts upon the recipient duties that must be met. So if there is a stairway to heaven then one must continue using ones legs to get to heaven or risk falling down the stairs and meeting a far worse end than one who never knew there was a staircase.

Therefore, those who are in Christ are elect. You are elect by being in union with Christ and you are in union with Christ through baptism. Baptism is the visible sign and seal of our union with Christ and yet this does not get us into heaven ‘automatically’. There are responsibilities that we must meet in order to persevere and see the Lord on the last day. Salvation is not a gift that you can put into your pocket and bring out whenever someone asks for proof. We can’t do something to get it, such as going forward at church and praying a prayer, it is something that is lived out. It is a gift of God and not of works. We can not do anything to generate it nor can we do anything to bring it about. The modern evangelical madness has people go forward and say ‘the prayer’ and then they leave without any connection to the church and live however they wish and those people expect, because of this profession/experience to get into heaven.

When questioned they pull this experience out of their pocket and say,
“Don’t tell me I’m not saved. I’ve got the ticket. I’ve said the prayer. You see I went to this retreat and had this amazing experience with God.” All this has done is made them more responsible to the knowledge of the covenant of God. Read the Old Testament and you will see God dealing with His people in grace, kindness, and vengeance. They are His people and yet with some He bestows His blessing and with others He kills and does not let them enter His rest.

God is not niggardly in bestowing His grace as the church has made Him out to be. God is full of grace and mercy and yet at the same time He is a jealous God who has expectations for those who bear His name. We can not take the Lord’s name in vain as we do if we are His children and live in such a way that is contrary to His reveled word. We need not presume upon the grace of God. We should not read the words of election in scripture as only applying to those people as if the apostle Paul had some sort of magical Lambs Book of Life vision. He didn’t know who would persevere to the end but he did know who was in covenant with God and to those he called elect, chosen of God. Those who are in Christ are members of the church and the word of God is for the church, therefore, these words of election are meant to encourage us and to strengthen us in our walk with Christ.

“Oh, the depth of the riches of both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became His counselor? Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to Him again? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.” Romans 11.33-36.

My Big George

2005-11-01T14:31:00.000-06:00

This all stemmed from a conversation I had with some friends of mine about how much we love certain things. In my enthusiasm I blurted out a very true statement. “If I could I would marry my George Forman Rotisserie Grill.” I meant it. I really love that thing. It has some of the perfect elements in a great marriage. For instance, it is low maintenance, clean, forgiving with improper care, makes really tasty food, and I can put her in the closet for weeks and she still does everything I ask of her without getting mad.

Wow, look in mid-sentence I went from referring to my grill as an ‘it’ to a ‘she’. Now that’s evolution.

I have let others clean my “Big George” but really it is something I prefer to do. I like to take the time to do the job right and really I think she appreciates it too. My roommate used it once and in her rebellion of being used by someone else she did not cook the food properly. I only hope that she doesn't become like Stephen Kings 'Christine'. Although I would like to see her pop back to normal after getting all busted up I would hate to see my friends getting cooked by her jealous temperament. Look I really have no life and I have no pets so I need to make faux relationships with machines. I had a child in my motorcycle, pause and lament the loss, and now I have a marriage with my rotisserie grill. Now if I can get my friend Matt to make that conversation starter than I will have it all.

The conversation took an uncomfortable pause when I made this statement about my rotisserie grill. And in truth I’ve grown accustomed to the uncomfortable pause and feel that if there isn’t at least one in a conversation with me than I’m really not communicating my ideas accurately enough. And my friends at the table where this conversation was had really tried to back me up. They paused and slowly said how they too see life as better because they have their favorite Bosch blender thing. They are real troopers for going out on that ledge with me. They didn’t say it with the same enthusiasm as I did and maybe that will come with time, but I was excited that that ledge could hold so many people at once.

I think that if I can continue to recruit people to think as strangely as I do at times that this place will be a more enjoyable place. Although, too many people thinking like me could hurt my entrepreneurial ideas like the action hero figures I plan to design and market called Manimals. They are mostly Centaurs (those half man half horse Greek gods) but with the added twist of being half-cow half man. They would be paired with Leprechauns that would use the mancows special milk to fight crime like CSI or Wyatt Earp.

Armies of Compassion

2005-11-01T11:58:00.000-06:00

This is another old email that I sent to some friends of mine and it too was a motivation for the blog. I wrote it after hearing President Bush speak in New Orleans after the hurricane hit. I think it is pretty funny and if there is a draft then I think I would like to be drafted in this ridiculous army.

My fellow Americans, I had the distinct honor and joy of listening to my president give a speech last night while he was in New Orleans. I heard him pontificate on the amazing destruction of this unrelenting, dare I say racist, hurricane and the need for the federal government to once again operate outside its constitutional bounds. While listening to all this nonsense and growing more and more amazed at the honesty of this presidents willingness to violate his oath of office by not “upholding the constitution of the United States” I realized that there apparently is a new branch/wing of the U.S. military. President Bush sprung this new aspect of the U.S. military on me with the words “armies of compassion”. Armies of Compassion? What is that!?

My brother is a Marine and he isn’t all that compassionate and neither is my sister-in-law who is in the Navy. I’ve known those in the Army and Air Force and although nicer in some ways they wouldn’t fit the definition of compassionate. Our military isn’t about being compassionate but it is in the business of killing people. They are trained to kill and from what I can see and from what I hear they are trained well in the fine arts of killing. They kill all sorts of people with not so much as a blink of the eye; therefore, I am left with the thought that this “Army of Compassion” is a new military hybrid. They apparently have the same funding since they are an “Army” so that means that they have all the best gadgets that taxpayers can buy. Yet, they are compassionate; which I take to mean that they are not in the business of killing people. This is much different than our present military. So, I’ve done some research and I’ve come up with some half-brained and full-brained theories about what this “Army” does and more so on what they look like.

First, what looks more compassionate, a guy that dresses up to look like the forest, wearing face paint (not like the kind for sporting events), and carrying a rifle and other implements of destruction; or a guy with no implements of destruction, wearing his own natural pigment on his face and bearing a huge smile? I think the later is the correct choice. You too! Good, now we can continue.

Second, I think this new branch of the military should wear uniforms in the color red. Let’s face it, if you’re going to have the sole purpose of bearing compassion towards those who need it they need to see you to find you to get that compassion from you. The Red Cross is known for showing compassion and what color do they use to be recognized? Red. Those in our present military who work in the medical field use what color on their helmets, boats and cars to designate them as medical? Red. So, red is the color that says, “Hey, look over here, I’m different and I care”.

Third, what shape says love more than any other shape? A heart. Not the type of heart that is found in those biology text books but the kind you can find anywhere during the month of February. Those are perfect too because not only do they have the natural color of red, which we have already determined to be the most visually captivating, but they also have the shape that have a universal depiction of love and caring. Now these heart shaped uniforms will have to be worn right side up for a couple reasons. First, if it is worn upside down the rounded lobes will be at the feet and the point will be at the head, thus people may confuse the wearer as being a grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. This would only hinder the compassion giving soldier and thus may bring the compassionate soldier in harms way. Second, upside down hearts just do not communicate the universal love and compassion that we have already stated was the key and complete function of this new military force.

Now, worn right side up , these red, heart shaped uniforms will not only get the attention needed but will also loosen peoples pent-up emotional frustrations. The styling is key. We need the Armies of Compassion to be able to function in their duties but we also need to facilitate compassion when those soldiers are not in the mood. Let’s face it sometimes those regular military people don’t really want to kill people so they listen to bombastic music to set the mood before they unleash the destruction and carnage that they have trained so long to learn. So, the uniform of this new hybrid soldier needs to function so as to be the “bombastic music”. The arm holes at the rounded lobes will be just past the natural bend in the person’s shoulders. This will cause the Armies of Compassion to be at a natural hugging stance while also allowing the soldier to give a decent hug to the recipient. Also, these lobes will have to be filled with replaceable stuffing. This will ensure jobs for those making the material and also give a place for the one needing compassion to cry on an accepting, soft and absorbent shoulder.

Fourth, any boy scout will tell you that one of their cardinal rules is to be prepared. Therefore, the Army of Compassion will have to be prepared as well. They will need some sort of pack to hold supplies. They cannot use a backpack as this is a cumbersome obstruction for the one without the pack. They can’t use a duty belt, much like Batman, because that will poke the recipient and just be too uncomfortable for the one needing the compassion. The fanny-pack is the pack that is just right. You do not have the obstruction problems and it will hold a great deal of supplies. These packs can hold loads of snot, mucus and other general face leaking absorbents.

One thing I am a bit confused on is the “armies”. Throughout this letter I’ve used both ‘army’ and ‘armies’ yet our president said “Armies of Compassion”. So I do not know if he is making one of his speech blunders or if there are multiple military organizations that have special sections within them that deal specifically with the area of compassion. That may actually be the case. The Navy has the S.E.A.L.S., and the Marine Corps has the RECON so it wouldn’t be surprising to have different elite groups within already existing military organizations. If anyone has anymore information on this topic or has ideas of their own let me know and maybe we can get to the bottom of this interesting aspect of our ever increasing government and military presence.

Canada Attacks

2005-11-01T11:53:00.000-06:00

I wrote this soon after Hurricane Katrina swept through the Southern states however it is one of the documents that made me start this blog. So, I put it on the blog even though it is a bit out dated. I wrote it while watching hours of FoxNews and CNN so I was actually putting together real news events. The increased terror level, our military being sent to the Gulf Coast, and Canada sending ships to the Gulf Coast? Come on what else would you think was happening? So here it is.

I have just been informed that Canada is sending 3 war ships and 1000 troops to the Gulf of Mexico for "assistance". I don't know about you but I've met some Canadians and they hold grudges. In our early history as nation states we did not always have kind relations with our northern neighbors. Basically, I think they are the ultimate sleeper cell, and this hurricane situation in the south is just a convenient opportunity for them to unleash all their pent up furry. In effect Canada is going to invade us through the south. I guess they are either figuring with all the confusion and chaos that their battles will be overlooked, and I think they may want to meet our military head on. Our federal government as upgraded our terror color code level so I think they are onto Canada's ploys as well. Our federal government has also deployed a number of our Navy vessels to the Gulf Coast. I'm just a concerned American that thought the rest of the America should know of these facts that I am putting together. So, grab your guns and get ready for another battle with Canada. We must not lose because I don't want to say "eh?" all the time.

My child is gone

2005-10-30T00:07:00.000-05:00

I have lost a child. Not a real child but the type that people without real kids call children. These can take the form of pets or as in my case a machine. I didn’t lose my child in that I can’t find it. I lost it in that it is more or less dead. My 1985 Honda Shadow 700cc motorcycle has left and it served me faithfully for 9 years and for 40,000+ miles. I drove it to church to pick up some milk that I had left there the Sunday previous and when I returned to it it wouldn’t start. It seemed like the battery was dead so I just pushed started the bike. However, this was not easy. Since it was a Honda I hardly ever had to push start my bike but it isn’t a hard thing to do. I’ve owned a ’63 VW Bug so I’m used to push starting machines. So this was an indication of a larger problem. I was able to drive it for one block when it died just before taking me onto a busier road. I tried once again to push start it and it refused all my attempts. So, I began to work on my bike by buying some cheap tools at a Dollar General store and borrowing other tools at the church that was now a block away. I really thought it was only the battery so I worked on it for about an hour and realized that those bolts were just on too tight for the cheap tools that I had to get the job done. So, I pushed it to the bike shop just at the corner from where the bike shut off. The bike shop owner was a real nice guy and let me borrow some of his tools so I could get the battery out. I did so and asked him to fill it with water and charge it. He willingly did so and also checked the stator to see if it had gone bad. And it was.

So now I had to buy a $290 stator and leave my bike at his shop. Long story short I was picked up by some friends of mine and had to be brought back because I accidentally stole the tools he let me use to remove my battery. When I came back he showed me more of what my problem was with my bike. My voltmeter was also worn out and my wiring harness was burning up. It very easily could have caught fire on me at anytime during my recent travels, but the Lord is gracious. The repairs all totaled to be around $600-700 in just parts and with the addition of labor I was well over $1,000. So I decided to let her remain as she sat. It was a very strange feeling. It was very similar, but not identical, to the feelings I had when I had to put my 15 year old dog to sleep a few years ago. It was a very sad moment. The Lord is great because He allowed this bike to serve me faithfully in all kinds of weather and it never let me down. Then when it does break down it does so right in front of the only bike shop for miles. I only had to push it 25 feet. All in all a very sad day but God is very kind.

So I will be without a motorcycle for a few years and I will be resisting my desire to covet those bikes that others are riding.

Quotes

2005-10-29T19:49:00.000-05:00

Is there any way to ever resolve the hermeneutical chaos and anarchy that exists within the Protestant church largely as a result of its adoption of radical individualism? Most Protestants do not seem to have taken this question seriously enough if they have considered it at all. If we proclaim to the unbelieving world that we have the one true and final revelation from God, why should they listen to us if we cannot agree about what that revelation actually says? Jesus prayed for the disciples that they would be one (Jn. 17.21a). And why did He pray for this unity? He tells us the reason, “that the world may believe that You sent me” (Jn. 17. 21b). The world is supposed to be hearing the Church preach the gospel of Christ, but the world is instead hearing an endless cacophony of conflicting and contradictory assertions by those who claim to be the Church of Christ. This is the heart of the hermeneutical problem we face in the Church today.

Keith A. Mathison “The Shape of Sola Scriptura"

sonic commercials

2005-10-22T20:40:00.000-05:00

I don't watch television much (much less than 16 hours a day) but occasionally when I'm working someone will have the tube on and so I watch. I've noticed that there are numerous Sonic commercials that are really funny. I don't really have much commentary to add to them but if you have seen them then you would have to agree with me, and if you don't then I don't think you really know what I think is funny. I can't say that I'm a big Sonic fan (I've read Fastfood Nation, Why America is the fattest nation in the World and seen Supersize Me) but I do appreciate the low-key commercials. They don't even have the obnoxious half-naked people trying to hock their wears, just two guys in a car saying funny things. Their not even the high gloss faux-man that is seen in some other advertisements. These are just some ordinary guys who act and look much like I do. Maybe that is why I like them. For those of you who either have never seen me or can't remember what I look like (didn't look at the pictures on my website) I do not have blonde hair nor do I have brown skin. I look like these guys in that they aren't good looking guys but their not ugly either.

Sola Scriptura

2005-10-15T10:50:00.000-05:00

I’m reading a new book called “The Shape of Sola Scriptura” by Keith Mathison. It is quite good and it basically looks at the concept of biblical interpretation throughout history. Essentially he lays out the history of the church forming its view of interpreting the bible. This, ofcourse, has had lasting impressions on our world not only from the first century but also up to our present time. “There are those who continue to maintain that position of the early Church by insisting that, although the Scriptures must be interpreted by the Church and in the Church according to the rule of faith, they are the sole source of authoritative revelation--”Tradition I.” And there are those who maintain the existence of extra-scriptural sources of revelation equally as authoritative as Scripture--”Tradition II.”

“Martin Luther and John Calvin did not formulate a novel doctrine of scriptural and ecclesiastical authority. Like the ancient fathers before them, they asserted the Scripture as the sole source of revelation and denied the existence of equally authoritative extra-scriptural revelation. They asserted that Scripture was to be interpreted in and by the Church and that it was to be interpreted according to the ancient apostolic teaching of the Church--the regula fidei. Their complaint arose because the Roman church had completely forsaken the apostolic life and doctrine and had also theologically insulated itself against the possibility of ever being corrected by submitting itself to a higher standard of truth. By declaring herself to be infallible, Rome had, in effect, become autonomous--a law unto herself. The classical Reformation doctrine of sola scriptura is not a novel doctrine of scriptural authority. Its distinctiveness arises instead from the fact that it is the doctrine of Tradition I as expressed within the historical context of debate with an almost universally apostate and autonomous church.”

He goes on to define Tradition 0 as those who advocate sola scriptura but do so without a historical context. They do not want what the church has stated on a particular topic of scripture to ever bear any weight for the individual. These radical reformers want just the bible and the individual to determine what is biblical and what isn’t. Without any oversight this mutation has become the norm in our modern evangelical madness. With this thought one can deny the Trinity or the work of the Holy Spirit or a whole host of other denials of true Christian faith. “The second concept, advocated by many of the radical reformers, insisted that Scripture was the sole authority altogether. Not only were medieval “traditions” disregarded, but tradition in the sense of the regula fidei, the testimony of the fathers, the traditional interpretation of Scripture, and the corporate judgment of the Church were discarded as well. The interpretation of Scripture, according to this concept, was a strictly individual matter.”

This book is just fantastic and I’m only halfway through it. Every Christian should read this book and you should read it even if you aren’t a Christian as Christianity has impacted the world significantly and this book will allow you to get a view behind enemy lines. It goes well with O’Palmer Robertson’s books “The Israel of God” and “Christ and the Covenants”. These, combined with John Calvin’s book IV of his Institutes, and you have a nice jumbalya of theological food to savor for quite some time.

Told to do so

2005-10-05T15:47:00.000-05:00

I have been informed that I should post a blog as not only is this a trendy thing to do (do you need any other reason) but also because as my friend Kershaw wanted to say but never did, "Your ideas chanllenge me". So, since a few of my recent thoughts and words have caused others to laugh and think I've been asked to make a blog. Now I can not say that I will be the most faithful person to their blog, as I've heard that these are time consuming hobbies, but I will post things that either make me laugh or things I've been thinking about recently. I hope you enjoy reading my thoughts.

This all seems a bit strange for me to be making a blog since I am one of the most computer inept people out there. I've just tried to spell check the last paragraph and the computer won't do it. I am either doing something wrong or the computer is named HAL and has developed a demented personality. If I spell words wrong please forgive me and you can even add some constructive criticism. I need to stress the word constructive. If while reading my stuff you see that I spelled taht in an incorrect order than just over look it. I atleast got all the letters in there. I just got in a bit of a hurry. Besides as of now I don't even know how to spell check my stuff, so one word wrong is pretty good. I'm typing these words as soon as they come into my head and I think one wrong out of so many is a pretty good average.

Anyway, I'll figure out more as I go along.