It’s all in the timing

It’s all in the timing.

Douglas Wilson has said, “The only difference between a nice salad and garbage is the timing.” I tend to agree with him. I bring this up to introduce the topic of marriage. Some enter into the search for their spouse with the “soul mate” mentality. This is, bluntly stated, a bunch of sentimental crap. Not only is there not a verse in the bible to support such tripe, but I am also unaware of any biblical concept that would support it. Now, I am willing to be wrong in the matter and if someone knows of some biblical support then please enlighten me. The bible is more free than those who are looking for “the one” would purport. There are some basic biblical principles to choose a spouse and once the person passes this then it is basically that individual’s choice. And praise God, because I can at least attain His goals. What I have noticed over the years is that modern evangelical women are looking for a man who walks on water, can make gallons of “grape juice” when needed, and can “meet all their needs” and thankfully this person has already come and to their disappointment this person will not be marrying them individually.

If someone was to die on the idea of there really being “the one”. Then I could agree with them only by acknowledging that “the one” is the one whom they are married to. People don’t walk around with this title on their back and unless we are Mormon there isn’t any “burning in the bosom” when we think we have encountered such a person. It seems as though modern Christians are more comfortable having a list of rules and check boxes for finding either a career or a spouse, and the wonderful thing is that God has given up a great deal more liberty in these areas.

I have come to the realization that the spouse whom I am looking for is not perfect (besides I’m not perfect and if we are to be together for so long we ought to at least match). Thanks be to God, because I would be single a lot longer than I already am, but I am looking for one who is on the path to perfection. I think that is the key. The perfect one has already come and therefore no one will be marrying that person. We ought to be about finding the one who is on the same path of righteousness and is near the place we are. This latter part is just for simplicities sake. There really aren’t any hard and fast rules that I know of.

For men, they ought to be reading a chapter a day out of Proverbs, since that is specifically written for men. They should be about marrying a women of wisdom . . . and not foolishness. They both are saying similar things and they are both attractive so the simpleton ought to be on his toes.

For women, they ought to follow their fathers. Those men have been given for their care and protection, and these fathers have once been that guy who wants a spouse so they are in a unique position to offer the best advice and council to their daughters.

“Prepare your work outside, and make it ready for yourself in the field: afterwards, then, build your house.” Proverbs 24.27
This gets at the essence of timing . . . for me. I don’t apply this as a hard and fast rule for all people, but I do for me. (Although, unless convinced otherwise I plan on passing this concept on to my children if God ever blesses me with them). I think there is critical advice here. Specifically for men, I think one ought to have their education taken care of and a means of providing for a family before they start that family. And a family starts with a wife. This does not entail the highest level of education but really the most basic means of provision. See the concept is that God, out of his mercy, gives us ultimate freedom. There is a lot of catch up necessary to fully communicate the ideas here but I don’t want to write that much so for now you must be content with unqualified statements. Now some faithful Christian’s may quarrel with me on this verse and they may actually convince me otherwise, but I don’t think it likely.

It has been stated to me that I am a bit strange in my concept of finding a spouse. And this is stated mostly because I refuse to employ the classic dating model to my spousal finding. In my estimation a person is nowhere more fake than on a date. Where else are you going to have all your i’s crossed and t’s dotted? Or is that the other way around? See I’m not cut out for dating. Besides once you convince that person that you never fart, never have food stuck in your teeth, or think the way they do they are in for a rude awakening once they find out that the jig is up. Why not save everybody the trouble and go through the father and get this all out in the open to begin with. Besides it is more difficult to pull the wool over the eyes of the father because they have been you before. (Not that you want to pull any wool, but that is the essence of the dating model. You aren’t quite yourself. Best foot forward at all times). And I think this concept holds true for women as well. Go through the father it makes things much easier and less heart wrenching. I have seen many women go at it alone and they are extremely miserable and constantly wondering where a good man is to be found.

This isn’t a complete explanation of my thoughts on this subject but as a lasting comment I do think it the responsibility of the father to have in mind the potential bridegroom. They have a great deal of power at their fingertips and they ought to walk in wisdom. They not only have the duty before God to protect their daughter but also, out of wisdom, the duty to deal with this other man with respect.