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Location: MO

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Unhealthy women

I posted this critique of modern culture about a year ago and was quickly informed that it was slightly embarrassing or inappropriate. I have consulted others and to my delight it has received approval so I now post it to share this unique thought about life on a University campus.

Women are unhealthy. I do not say this with a great deal of bravado but with trepidation as this is just a theory that I’m currently working on, and it is in every way still a work in progress. With that said I still think women are unhealthy, and more likely they are just vitamin/mineral deficient. Now before anyone skip to the comments section and begin to open the dikes of hate let me explain.

These thoughts began when I became more aware of my surroundings and in so doing I noticed that more and more people had wedgies that they were more than willing to correct in front of the public. I thought it was funny because I began to recall my days in Elementary school and Junior High. Oh, those were some funny wedgie filled days. But then I noticed that these wedgies were not generated by some thirteen year old but were spontaneous and seemingly self-inflicted. It was as if the body itself did the wedgie. Now this was not some situation where the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing because there were no hands involved. It seemed to be purely the result of non-appendages doing the Jr. High work. Also, these wedgie afflicted people were predominately women. So this got me to thinking and with thinking it got me to theorizing so I’ve combined two separate but maybe related observations. One being the wedgies and the other being the incredible shrinking clothing phenomenon.

I go to a university for a particular education but just walking around you get an offshoot education that you don’t really have much control over and I’m thinking of asking for some extra elective credits from the university, but that’s unrelated to this post. While going to school and working in the Emergency Medical System I’ve noticed that women are becoming increasingly less clothed, and in conjunction with the above paragraph, wedgies are on the rise (no pun intended. . . well maybe a little one). I think the women are sincerely trying to cover everything but either they don’t know how to dry their clothes properly, buy clothes that are too small, or there is a more underlying problem.

I have heard of people eating dirt (an eating disorder called Pica [not the same as the type set]) because they have a mineral deficiency that they are unwittingly trying to solve. I’ve also seen dogs eat sheet rock because of the calcium that it contains, and cows and horses are given a salt or mineral block that they will lick whenever their bodies tell them that they need some more sodium or when there is a mineral that they are growing short of. So with this thought I think women have a mineral deficiency that they are unknowingly trying to solve by slowly absorbing their clothing. I don’t know what mineral or vitamin they are low in nor do I know how the body knows that these particular clothes hold the beneficial ingredient but apparently it is something or why else would they be losing so much clothing.

I know this woman who will constantly complain of being cold, and she has a shirt and sweater on. However, both of these articles of clothing have grown short around the bottoms. So much so that skin will show when she moves about. With this amount of skin showing cold drafts will slip in and cause her to be cold. Yet somehow the obvious solution of covering the skin is lost on this person. She isn’t a dumb person. Actually quite the opposite, but I believe that her clothes are shrinking at a slow rate and she is unaware of this event happening. Kinda like the frog who is slowly cooked.

This phenomena is just alarming because it is as if she is a human dryer and she isn’t alone. Most of the women around campus have the same problem. However, the same problem does not afflict the men. They are completely covered. Their problem is in the reverse direction. The men are covered to such an extent that it appears that they are wearing someone else's clothes. Particularly someone who is significantly larger than they are and who apparently likes rap music. To be fair I have only noticed this on a very narrow range of people. This mineral deficiency phenomena seems to only affect young women and I think it may be more drastic on the coasts of our nation.

I am unwilling to chalk it up to just fashion because as we are painfully aware the ‘60’s style clothing has made a come back and the ‘70’s are on their way. Those decades had some horrible fashion trends but the women were for the most part covered. They may have been tightly covered but none the less they didn’t have the constantly shrinking clothing that our modern women seem to have. Maybe the clothing is made of a different fabric . . . maybe. But I think the modern diet is much more different than the diet of the 60’s and 70’s.

Think about it, the microwaveable meal came out in the 50’s to 60’s. And since this time more and more artificial food has been produced and consumed. I think there maybe a saturation effect going on here. We eat fake foods that lack some essential vitamins and minerals and the fields that real foods are produced on are leached of all kinds of essential minerals and vitamins. Those foods that give us all types of vitamins (like milk) we kill and then “fortify” them with vitamins they already had but leave out all those minerals that help us absorb all those vitamins.

So the next time you see a woman that seems like she is wearing her kid sisters clothes you mustn't think that she is just being immodest but rather that she may actually have a medical condition that is as of yet undiagnosed. Go to her. Nay, run to her and shout, “What is wrong with you?! Don’t you see that your body is devouring your own clothing. That is why you are cold. That is why you are constantly pulling down your shirt that doesn’t cover your belly. That is why you are uncomfortable. That is why everyone is starring at you. They are all wondering when you will go to the doctor and get yourself checked out!!!”

Maybe the problem can be solved with just some cotton balls. Maybe if we just give the women who have this problem some cotton to put in their mouths that all this will go away. But then people may wonder why we have so many people who look like they have had their wisdom teeth removed.

Or maybe the answer is in growing your own food. I’ve noticed that the women who live in households that grow their own foods do not have this symptom that I’ve been describing.

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